you
you
you
you
So I am reading all of Yeti's messages.
Now we're in an argument in the discord over how necessary carrying around the 1.5-2 liter
water bottle is at all times. It's the most controversial discussion in discord history.
I didn't say I hate people who drink water. I just, I mean, my genesis for the conversation is not
that drinking water is bad. Drinking water is obviously good. Just the people who are obsessed
with hydration. I have a certain sense of smugness about it. That's where I'm at. I just find,
I didn't say performative because you do get something out of it. But whenever people are like,
I just feel so awesome when I drink water. I just, I don't know. I feel about the same and I've,
but I mean, I guess I do drink a lot of water.
They also, and I don't mean to make this like a nationalist thing, because like Canada and
the US are both suffering under the same schism here, but they'll literally say something like,
I'm not like you, I drink a gallon a day, and I'm like, I don't know what that means, buddy.
What the fuck is it? I might drink a gallon of water a day, I have no idea.
That's four quarts, wait once, okay, a quart is 750 milliliters.
Well, it's not just you, it's not just you who said I feel so much better, but I do need
to say that it's, I have to approach it from the perspective of, you know, I've been on
this earth for like 37 years. So if you're like 22 and you grew up in like a gummo situation
with spaghetti in the bathtub where like you weren't given water, then maybe you do feel
bad and not realize it and then drinking like eight glasses of water a day brought you back
to baseline and that's turned you into an evangelist. That could be the case. And I had
that realization in 2003 or whatever when I was 14 and I stopped drinking you know
McCain orange juice from concentrate at every single meal and then started to
drink while I went to nest tea first because I heard tea was good for me and
then I went to water at that point
So maybe they're just having the realization that everybody has at some point in their life,
but they're having it 20 years after me because they're 20 years younger than me, which would
be very human.
It would be inhuman to be upset about that.
Nothing human is alien to me.
Woody Harrelson, Triangle of Sadness.
True.
Nick, have you seen House?
The Japanese horror comedy from 1977?
Hell of a movie.
I don't think I've ever seen a movie like House before.
No, and my girlfriend always gets on my ass for not watching it.
It is like 83 minutes long, which is, I mean, I mean that in a very positive way.
It's definitely Kino too.
Let me put it this way.
You will not watch it and be like, hmm, I don't have strong opinions about that.
Holcomb have you noticed this Nick do you get the same thing where would you
mention like a seminal film from like 50 years ago people are like that's
nothing have you seen a movie that's a three and a half out of five that came
out last week what are we talking about here I'm not so I'm not nothing against
Holcomb but like this you know it's not really an apples to apples comparison
why do people get so mad at you when you rate a movie below two stars it's just
because Clock Watchers has Parker Posey in it.
A lot of the people who really like Clock Watchers
have not seen it, but they know that they would like it
because it has Tony Colette and Parker Posey in it,
which is fine.
I like Parker Posey too, the busy bee and so on and so forth.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I kind of like that.
Parker writing the Posey.
I'm picturing Liv Schreiber from The Day Trippers grabbing the mic.
Parker writing the pausey.
Yes, Keenan.
I'll match him.
Whimphaw him now.
When I date last night with a girl who ran a very popular letter box to count, am I cooked?
Wait, okay, so here's what's interesting to me.
the way you phrase it, you've revealed and born naked, a universal truth that I think
you would have preferred to obfuscate with the benefit of hindsight. What do you mean
she runs a very popular letterbox account? She's not a person with a letterbox account
that is giving their honest opinion about movies. She's a separated entity. She's a
a corporate officer that has possession
within the incorporation documents of a letterbox
account that signals to the end user.
She runs a popular social media accounts.
I was on Instagram and a clip from BallsUp came up.
95% of the comments called it phenomenal and they watch every new Mark Wahlberg release.
Has the world always been like this?
Yes, but with an asterisk, which is I haven't been here for the whole history of the world.
But I will say, I do think, and I know you're holding your emotional support water bottles
while I say this and you're waiting for me to bring it all back around.
I do think that the younger generation, generation Zed,
as I like to call them, I do think
that they're making more of an effort to get into chemo.
Not as like, it's not the zeitgeist.
I don't think the average 23-year-old is like,
you know, let's watch Mishima life in four parts.
But I think the average 23-year-old in here
is certainly getting a little bit more into that wave.
And I appreciate it, because they're pushing me along too.
I we like art. Oh, I think also you you have the misfortune but also the benefit of growing up in what I would call like a cultural swamp
It's like when I was
10 it was like
1998 and it felt like studios were still taking some swings
But if you were like 10 in 2017, I mean
I mean, that's rough for you, man.
That's a tricky situation.
I can understand.
And when everyone around you is watching Jason Momoa movies in the Jake Gyllenhaal remake
of Roadhouse, you're like, you know what, maybe you'll fucking watch some Japanese shit
from 1981 or whatever.
I'm not going to have Ricky Peacock. Although I will say that Ricky Peacock still has something
to say to me about Send Help. It's still the only three and a half I've ever seen Ricky
give. A half star is like a shot across the bow from a whole star enjoyer. It just has
extra attention paid to it as a result of how rare it is, like when GameSpot gives something a 10.
Beckett's last TV play got two million views on German TV in 1983.
Yeah, well, that's not that big of a deal because Wednesday season two has been watched
for over 1.7 billion minutes on Netflix so far, and they cancelled it.
I'm hearing we're po- Netflix has just released a press release calling Wednesday the most
popular show in media history.
It's been watched for 117 trillion seconds and has occupied the front of the Netflix
Carousel for more time than any show in Netflix history. Breaking news, it's been cancelled!
You guys ever see archive 43? Is that what it's called? Rule 48. Archive 81. Directive 2080.
Hi, and now when I was younger, my biggest fear was to become bald like you.
But today at 25, I discovered there's something far worse.
I found a bunch of gray hairs on my head.
Is it over for me?
Also I miss Michael.
There's something worse than being bald or gray.
I think it's better for you if you remain ignorant to it.
Because it might be being a 25-year-old Tomodachi life viewer.
But anyway, no, there's other things.
That's true.
Guy who orders more than two sugars and two creams
in each coffee.
You guys ever wonder, so like our senses,
we have five senses I'm hearing, except some of us
have, we can see that people.
But that allows us to take in information from the world
around us, visual information, auditory information,
sensory touch, et cetera, et cetera, smells.
Ever wonder if we fall victim to the idea that because those are the boundaries of our senses,
we don't know that we're missing out on a staggering amount of information that's available
but just goes right by our persons because we don't have the proper receptors to pick
up on them, man?
I wonder, man.
What type of shit like if there was like a alien species here if they would be like damn look at look at them
Just sitting in his office. He doesn't even know like I
Don't even know what I wouldn't know man. I can't finish the bit
You know what I'm saying how could I even know what I wouldn't know because the bounds of my thought are
Correlated with the bounds of my senses man
I'm always out here saying some shit like it would be really hard to be blind.
And I think it would be really hard to be blind, but maybe I'm like 10x blind to an alien
that can see like, you know, cosmic waves or some shit, or it has like some kind of weird
nose that can tell me that there's going to be an earthquake in like 18 weeks or something like that,
man. Who knows, dude?
It could be crazy.
Who slipped in the weed brownies?
It's giving the Beatles must have been on drugs when they wrote this.
Also, we're giving POT too much credit.
What does not lead to these sort of like existential thoughts?
It usually leads to you being like, I had to do something, but I forgot what it was.
Or you'll be like watching something, you'll be watching a three minute long video, and
then a minute into the video, you'll be like, I haven't been paying attention for 10 minutes.
What did I miss?
After 60 seconds you're like, I have no idea what I'm watching.
Yeyo, I wouldn't know.
It's so funny that in RimWorld they call it Yeyo, man.
Just imagining the rimworld developer typing Yeyo into like Vim or whatever you used.
I just assumed it was some fucked up IDE like Vim.
This just seems like the type, right?
Public static void.
Under lower case.
Why Yeyo used open bracket?
So are the parameters or how much yeyo quality of the yeyo how long was the
yeyo kept at the higher temperatures?
Imagine man
Let me hear you say, yeah, yo.
You should make a game, man.
Nah, most of them are not that good.
Even the ones, like most games are not bad.
Most of them are just kind of like so much worse than the best games.
There's sort of like no reason to play them.
You really should only make a game if you're going to make one of the best games.
If you're just going to make a game and be like, I made a game, it's good to make stuff.
Don't get me wrong.
Just don't try to trick me into playing it.
This guy hates art.
I love art.
fan of vampire survivors for the most part. Like if it's your dream to make a vampire
survivor's clone, then follow that dream. If you just said, hey, this game is like,
I could probably make one of these in three months and then come out with it and maybe
it'll make some money, then like, I mean, I understand the impulse, don't get me wrong.
But now you're popping into my email trying to gussy it up a little bit like an Avon sales
salesperson. I almost said saleswoman. There's probably men who sell Avon, too.
Did you see the motorcycle stuck on the stoplight pole in Vancouver? Nice try! That was in Surrey,
Delta. That is South of Vancouver, almost an hour south of Vancouver. That ain't in the city proper.
Did you guys see we're getting the fifth donbo?
Ooh.
Donbo number five.
Wait, I didn't even think about that.
Ha!
Yeah, I know what hill it's going to be, Mount Seymour, because you sound like you're from
Burnaby. Yeah, yeah. Now see more is not in Vancouver. It's in
Burnaby is the thing. Anyone else getting double audio? You got two tabs open, brother.
There's only two tabs, two tabs. There's just two tabs open.
Two tabs!
Last time I went to BC, I went to Victoria. Did I miss anything in Saanich? A couple Tim Hortons.
The decent Tim Hortons in North Saanich. She get the game started man. Let me get this shibooted up. Directive
8067
Did you see them hanging the rat that had the hantavirus?
Like from the neck until dead?
That's crazy, man.
That's inhumane.
Could have at least given him a little electric chair or something.
Now I'll pick like a rat ride the lightning.
Meep-meep-meep-meep-meep-meep.
Meep-meep-meep-meep-meep-meep.
Meep-meep-meep-meep-meep-meep.
I can't do a rat song.
Coast is what I can do as a tiny cat.
I can't do a rat song.
Coast is what I can do as a tiny cat.
I can't do a rat song.
That's a dark pictures game.
Y'all just give me one second.
Guys I have a math problem for you.
I'm trying to think, I can't play this game with a user named Bob Balaban with an earring
man, it takes me out of the horror game moment.
Here was a math problem I had, alright?
I'm 37.
If you reverse the digits, that's 73.
73 is almost 2 times 37, but not exactly.
It got me thinking, doing a little mental exercise, and I was like, is there any age
where if you flip the digits, it's exactly 2x what the original digits were?
I started to think about what the mathematical rules of this would be.
The second digit would have to be at least twice as big as the first digit, and the first
digit would have to be the side then that's kind of where I got lost that's
kind of where I got lost on it 11 22 30 no no VIP Daniel that doesn't work
because no not all multiples of 11 you guys are not listening because if you
take 22 and you flip the digits that's 22 22 is not half of 22 22 is all of 22
24? No, man, because then if you flip the digits, it becomes 42. And 24 times 2 is 48, man.
Does it have to be two digits? Okay, well, do you have one that's three? Maybe three
We did this to make it work, I'd be amazed if you could make it work with one.
I'm opening my formal prover for this shit.
We need someone with Mathematica Pro, man.
25 is the only one that's close.
Okay, literally 37 is closer, which is the genesis of this bit.
You know what?
This is my fault. I brought it to the wrong audience.
I thought you guys would be good at this because you all have master's degrees and you smoke a lot of weed,
but you are fucking horrible at this.
I really thought you were going to fix this for me.
I really, really thought that this was going to be like,
you were going to solve it in two seconds and go,
you're stupid for not coming up with this answer.
I was so ready for it.
I only have a Bachelor of Fine Arts.
Okay, a Bachelor of Fine Arts is literally better than a Masters in Science, just for
the record.
Also, I have a question about art galleries, man.
I'm not talking about the Vancouver Art Gallery,
where you go to see Vincent Van Gogh's 400th most famous
painting, because we're pretty low down the totem pole.
I mean, smaller, more community-oriented galleries
that just have local artists that do exhibitions at them.
Can you just show up to it?
Is that what they're there for?
Are they there so that people just show up and then go like pay this artist cool?
Is the artist going to be there because I don't really want the artist to be there.
Because then you can end up with like an Oscar and Pam type situation.
You know what I mean?
But I don't want to be talking to Gil and say something like why it's hotel art and
And now all of a sudden somebody over there is having an existential crisis because they've
dedicated their life to this or something like that.
Also if I go and I'm not saying that they would expect me to walk in and like save their
lives or anything like that, but are they going to expect me to purchase the art or
they're just going to expect me to look at it?
Like if I have a conversation with the artist and I go, that's really cool, are they going
to be in there in the back of the head are they going to be like please buy
this or are they going to be like it's not for sale because it's priceless to
me it could be either damn I'm not sure I'm ready for this man just buy it if you
like it well I'm not going to buy something the first time I go to the
gallery because how do I even know if I like it you know what I mean I could buy
something that looked pretty cool then all of a sudden I go to the next artist
exhibition and I'm like what all this shit clears the last one I think I got
to at least go to like maybe 20 exhibitions before I even buy one piece
of art because I might how else would I even know man
You ever see art before? I've seen drawings.
What's up, YouTube bots? It's Directed8020. New game in the dark pictures anthology. Although
I have read that it's not really, it doesn't really have as much of the bookkeeper. I'm
I'm trying to avoid saying the librarian to avoid confusion, but you know, the page master,
whatever the guy, the Andy Serkis guy with the shaved sides, peeky blinders, get up,
doesn't have as much about him in the game because it doesn't fit with the science fiction aesthetic.
It wasn't really a problem when we were doing the game with Will Polter and the witches or something like that.
The archivist!
The Archivist. Anyway, we're going to embark on our own single-player story here.
Always a good day when a new super massive game comes out.
But can I also say it's crazy to me, the release schedule on these is crazy to me.
Sometimes there will be like two of these that come out in one month.
And then I feel like it's been at least a year and a half, two years since the last one.
It might have been four years since the one, since House of Sand.
Like when, when did House of Sand come out? I feel like I was not even in this office.
Select difficulty, forgiving, challenging.
Real-time threats are deadly, but can be fought off with defensive parries.
Critical button presses can appear without warning.
Stay alert.
Real-time threats are lethal with reduced opportunities for defensive parries.
Critical button presses are fast and brutal.
So I'm going to say something.
I play these games as cinematic analogs.
I don't really want it to be so lethal that I have to be focused 100% of the time, because
here's the thing, if I make a choice and a character dies, that's the game.
That's why you play the game.
If I'm doing a stealth section and a character dies because of like a game mechanic where
a ghost spotted me when I stepped into the light, I'm going to be like, that just deprived
me of being able to see where this character could have died when I made a wrong choice
later.
go on custom. New story. I want to explore the story as I go or I want to live and die
as my decisions. Buy my decisions, I should say. Unlimited use of turning points lets
you rewind and correct your mistakes. Well, here's the thing. Here's what I'm going to
say. I'm the type of guy who's not going to rewind unless something goes really, I'm
not going to be like oh I made the choice and they died as a result of the
choice let's rewind it but again if I just get bitten by a monster in like a
stealth section and then that character's done forever I think we should be
able to go back on that. Basically I'm saying I don't trust the devs because I
read the press release that said this is more of a game and less of like a
telltale style narrative game because they have they they issue and I don't
know how much of it is salesmanship but they issued a statement that was
basically like they're shooting sections and like horror game sections now where you can die so be careful
So chat I will turn on sub titles
The problem is I'm worried about hitting escape and it's skipping the opening scene instead of putting this in the settings menu
Or so we thought.
Nostromoash shot. We're in your influences on your sleeves, Daniel Bannon.
Star Wars Episode 1 in your hope, Hydral Niles.
It's a whole lot of rebeke in this game, man, with the musical.
Don't say with musical guests, because that's shit got me thinking about Bobby Moynihan.
It's got me thinking about Bobby Moynihan every single time.
I know you could hear the voice in your head.
Bobby Moynihan!
How I sleep knowing I'm 4900 elo and counter strike 2?
Wait, I saw Dan! I don't know if you can see the picture.
The guy in these games who always looks like Dan is confirmed in this.
I just saw him on the Polaroid.
All right, well, this, you know, hang on one second, I'll, I'll violate my settings menu
suggestion for this for sure.
We want to see audio and language stream remote on, even though I'm sure that the non-licensed
music probably sucks.
No disrespect.
Maybe it'll be Mishima by Philip Glass.
I don't know.
Subtitles on.
Closed captions.
why not man video yes man video game sounds that's what I'm like but this
really changed the vibe spider-man music I'm gonna say it I think white is in a
losing position in that game king in two ponds loses the king knight and seven
Oh no, if you sat along for this world, the humble Canadian bonsai enthusiast, he's going
to save from Vancouver.
No, bro, this is Directive 8020.
What was that?
It has to be alarming when you hit something in space.
Are you not remotely alarmed?
Not yet.
Are you?
It sounded like a hull impact.
He literally said I don't care to you.
I like this is representation though, they got a real Canadian voice actor.
Yeah, yeah, third-side. That's right.
It's the type of local reporter the CBC news be throwing to.
Let's speak to the computer or fix it ourselves.
Well, I- listen, let's see, we got the machines for a reason, man.
Use the mouse to make your decision.
You're right.
It would be smart to get further data before taking action.
I've learned about way of saying good ideas, Sims, but I'll take it.
Okay, lead the way.
It's 80-20. Can we just, uh...
Can we just go here and be like, computer, what's the problem?
Also, it might be 6,000 years in the future,
but you can't separate a Saskatchewan native from their bunny hug, man.
You really think you've got chance?
I've got a master plan.
Stale mates.
Carter and Sims played chess to pass the long years away from home.
I'm telling you, this is not, or maybe it is a stale mate, bro.
I guess I can't read the board at this jaunty little angle.
This is the one time in human history the magnetic chess set has actually been
useful. You aren't playing that shit on row 32j cuz I've been there.
Well it could be worse. Do you ever have like the travel edition of like Monopoly
where you try to the there's like the little holes in the board and then you
got the peg on the piece that you can make. There's no way that's happening on
via rail, bro. It's not gonna happen. Deck of cards on a Greyhound bus? Maybe. Maybe.
Oh, poor Bonnie. Bonnie McBonsai face? Thomas Carter bookmarked files. Daddy in space? Wait,
wait, they love to do this cheeky little like, hey, it's a kid's drawing, but also this is
Everything that's gonna happen in the story, bro
They love to do it
Boring ass room you wouldn't make it on the Nebuchadnezzar. We're doing the right thing, right? This is why we have emergency procedures
You sure you're okay?
You sure you're okay?
I'm fine.
It's just, now is the perfect time for things to go wrong.
Lucky we're here to make sure they don't then, eh?
You always know the right thing to say.
After you?
After me.
I don't like that they made A, which is EH, in the hay.
But you know what, I'll take the Canadian representation
where I could get it.
All I need is like one reference to the National Hockey
League.
Oh, this breach is worse than what happened to fucking
Dan Vlaidar during the Cane C Series last week, 8,000 years
ago, right?
She is saying, give me some space, OK?
Understandable?
Vlaidar, I actually played pretty well, man.
I actually played all right.
The Keynes are just a bit of a wagon.
Gonna be ashamed to see them lose in the conference finals
for like the ninth year in a row.
Or maybe they'll win the cup.
You guys think Rod Brendemore is kind of like
the Canadian Mike Vrable?
Real Jim Ratt?
Slunch pale type guy?
Little bit?
I didn't say anything else.
Aim at blur.
I'm gonna use blur.
You like this song so much.
No, man.
Honestly, having known some people who were, let's just
say, astrophysics adjacent, aeronautical engineering
adjacent, their musical taste really
could be described as royalty-free elevator music,
to be honest with you.
That, to me, it seems like stream remote
is literally more authentic.
to see this mission. Sure man, I'm not worried about all that to be honest with you. You
might think I'm kind of playing like I want to see everything in the game, I'm trying
to figure out where to go. So out of breath, man.
The Cassiopeia will be the first man exoplanetary survey mission, with our ultimate goal is
colony transfer.
Skip ad.
And then it's Denzel Washington, um, flight scene 6 of 7 from youtube.com slash cool movies.
I said God help me.
I drank it. Open the door with your utility strap, indicates you will not be able to return
to this area. Old left mouse button to proceed. Okay, well first off, in that case, you may
as well, explore more, because you never know, bro. What hope does one woman have against
the anger of the gods? A truly humanizing retelling of the tragic story of Queen Cassiopeia.
Now I'm playing it like Hitman.
Book with no author.
Well, it's written by generative AI, which means in many ways we all have a hand in having
written the book.
Great, this could be awesome.
Vertical washing machine?
I never even thought about it, man.
Because I have no idea how to build a washing machine now that I think about it.
Or really how they work at all, besides, you know, in so much as I press a button and it turns on.
You always have to leave your crap floating around?
Okay, the small crap you can load at me about.
Something's gravity plates have failed. That's not on me.
Don't worry. I'll clean up before we rate Williams.
Wait, wait, I have buttons I can press, man.
Objective leave...
That's huge!
Do you press the Q button to be reminded of what you have to do today?
And then witch your vision.
Okay.
That could keep me on task, man.
Why are they so aggro at each other?
You've seen sci-fi movies.
You've got to say something like, sorry.
You know how I get after hypersleep or some shit like that.
You know what the cryo sleep chambers do to me.
Remember that was us in summer 2021 for a couple weeks.
Night to E2. Check.
King to B1.
Night follows. Check.
Bro, literally resign. You just have a king.
You have a king versus four pawns, king, knight and bishop.
I can't imagine that this is silent if you turn streamer mode off.
Good evening Oracle. I would like a full situation report.
A meteorite has penetrated my outer hull, puncturing through to the maintenance facilities on deck 4.
It's like every accent at once.
I have disabled systems across the ship to conserve power and isolate damage.
can you deal with this which is basically your entire reason for existing
can you deal with this oracle automated repairs have failed damage
containment is now my priority when were you gonna tell us this I'm telling you
now Sims churlish assay I mission that risk my life support systems are intact
But I advise a systems reboot to provide an accurate damage.
Oh man, if I'm on the spaceship, I ain't turning it on and off again.
Wouldn't that make it harder for us to deal with the breach?
I don't know, Sims.
But without a reboot, further damage could occur.
So if they programmed the robot to be so sarcastic, man...
See, delay the reboot. We gotta talk about this a little more.
Delay the reboot.
Like, why would it give the sassy ass robot, man?
Man, you're supposed to just be a tool to help us.
Oh, that's what you want.
Come on.
By the way, I'm putting... Oh, lingering ass sign.
Oh, they... I forgot they always do this thing.
And I forget every single time.
We will never see these characters again.
This is the pre... the chapter before the chapter, the prologue,
where you go, hey I'm really starting to get attached to these characters and then they both die
and then we're on a spaceship that is like encounters this spaceship because there's a
distress signal in deep space should we go look for it or should we continue with our original mission
but can I say something I'm I'm betting the house the robot is actually good
They're playing with the trope that the robot always goes haywire.
I'm betting that the robot actually has our best interest in minds.
Must have been a power surge.
Guy who thinks he's smart because he always bets on the opposite of the obvious trope.
Investigate the whole breach.
Oh, how he didn't play for Team Canada and chose to play for Team USA instead of the 1998 World Cup of Hockey.
Sorry Thomas, I took your line.
You would not survive pretty little liars? Is that the Reese Witherspoon one?
Is that the one that she's in? It's her and her board ape and her crypto punk?
That's big little liars, which one's pretty little liars?
This is me trying to go to London Drugs in the summer of 2020.
Okay, boss.
Waiting in line for the grocery store type shit.
When the line stretches from the self-checkout all the way to the ice cream, but then you
realize it's only four people, they're just six feet apart from one another.
By the way, we had to do what we had to do.
I'm not saying with dad, I'm not saying, I'm literally probably more back to the average
person in chat before you start putting that evil on me.
I'm not saying it was bad that we were dealing with incomplete information.
We didn't know what we didn't know back then.
Hey, chill.
That's a Spatkoch chicken from America's Test Kitchen.
What about this?
It is an eight pack.
That's a duplicate eight pack.
That's literally where Morpheus explains what the matrix is to Neil.
It was us who scorched the sky.
history in the making. Secrets of the universe. I see whatever we want.
That's literally just Tokyo, bro.
Corinth. Where humanity comes first.
Sometimes not at all.
I'm sorry, baby. I didn't know it was your turn.
Breached area ahead
Is it what's going on here then?
No power I'm afraid
Is it bad if I have Austin powers in my letterbox top four it literally makes you like perhaps to a fault
But makes you perhaps the most honest and least performative letterbox usually well-time
Me again.
I'd say hi while I wait for the latest patch to download.
It's weird.
We've received three systems updates from Earth in the past 24 hours.
That's what I'm saying.
I can't work out what they're all for.
Why the fuck does Audible need the update, bro?
I don't have so many patches.
You just play an audio file like you don't need the update.
I know you'll be shaking your head at me, but you're retired.
I only have cards I hear to keep you sane, man.
As my mother, you have to support me, quirks and all.
I guess I should go and install this.
Love you, mom.
Send money.
She's saying send money.
Why is the video 5 FPS?
Well, because this is like a big corporation,
they have a contract with Microsoft Teams.
They're not able to just use video calling through Discord.
They have like all this, like mandatory minimums
stuff like that. Also actually, I had an update to Audible like two days ago. First update
in Audible history that actually did something. Because, and I don't, listen, if anybody here
works for Audible, I believe that you know how to fix the problem, but there are structures
in place on the corporate level that stop you from pushing them, okay? I set, I push
play on an audiobook and then I go custom timer two hours when I set the timer, the sleep timer,
for two hours it pauses the audio. Why would you ever want that? It doesn't make sense that you
would ever be like I'm turning on my audiobook let me have my sleep timer go on and then have
to hit play again. But the last update made it so that when you hit play and then you
hit the sleep timer it doesn't pause. I appreciate that. Just in time because I cancelled my
subscription like three days ago but it doesn't run out for another week and a half or something
like that. Looks like it penetrated through there. I think it's bad when this happens
to your spaceship personally. Do you listen to an audio book for a quarter of your sleep?
No, like the air pod falls out of my ear like three seconds into stage one of sleep. But
it does still just keep like talking about the secrets of the renaissance world into
the air just into the open air
find the whole breach on the ship's cameras it's not there man okay it's here
yeah there's the whole breach bro
that's the one there it is it's the hole in the top of the ship
Looks like the breach webbing hasn't fired.
Figures.
Do you hear what sound like a little demon, a little demon walking on metal or something like that?
The ceiling system now is from outside the hull.
The hull hull, yes. We're living in a hull hull. Gotta get out of this hull hull.
But what Stafford said?
Yeah, you're already probably saying some shit like blue 22 blue 22
I can't really be mad. I guess it's about as fast as you can walk in space.
You're mad, right?
Why is there no secondary safety system?
Budget cuts. We can't fix the whole spaceship tonight because of budget cuts.
You know what I'm talking about?
You know I'm trying so hard not to fall over that I feel like I actually might fall over.
How you like when you're drunk in front of your parents.
Yeah.
I don't even see that.
Still thinking it.
We should probably check the FTL antenna.
Roger that.
Console's just here.
Boys in their video games.
Looks good to me.
Optical terminal is intact.
Transmission speed is deft.
Our Wi-Fi!
Check for us correct soon.
This is what they want the pilot to do when the in-flight Wi-Fi stops working.
Let me just check the message logs.
Hey, baby.
We miss you already.
And we wanted to tell you how proud of you we both are.
What you're doing is, I know you had second thoughts, but
It's the right thing to be three trillion light-years away from your family.
Can you imagine Stafford's face if he woke up to mission failure?
I can imagine him smiling.
I'm angry.
Just disappointed.
Oh, man.
No.
Listen.
Listen.
God.
Listen.
All right.
Connect.
Connect.
Connect.
Connect.
Connect.
Connect.
Connect.
Connect.
Connect.
Connect.
Connect.
Connect.
Connect.
Connect.
She's got a certain Martin Short-type quality, don't say, I'm just saying!
That is not the time to take in the scenery.
You think she looks like me?
just takes after a mother
impact must avoid the water and cause the rupture
yeah there's a hole in the spaceship
I'm sorry like
I guess I've never been an astronaut but a big fucking hole in the spaceship
seems like that's kind of like all hands on deck type situation to me. It does, it
looks really bad. Thank you for validating me. I mean there's fucking sparks coming
out of it. You know what, I guess I will say you'd rather this happen to your
spaceship into your airplane because if this happens to your airplane you are
fucked buddy this happens to your spaceship I mean like sure some shits
probably getting in some shits getting out but like what's what it's not you're
gonna crash what are you gonna crash into there's nothing that there's nothing
around
What a mess.
You just said it looked... you just said it didn't look that bad.
What is that? That's a fish bow.
Could have squirted a little.
Spaceships do that when they're under distress.
The overwrite ports are right there.
Looks like they're about to plague her plunk.
That did the job.
Can we go home now?
Agreed. Back to the airlock.
Head of an era, huh?
Huh?
End the start of a new one.
End the start of a new one.
Aren't you excited to see our future home?
Yeah. I just wish we could see it up close.
You always see the bright side.
You always find a way to see the bright side.
Mom told me that.
You can't always control what happens, but you can control how you react to it.
I can control the muscles in my face, so I use them to smile.
It's hard too, though.
Sometimes.
That's why I try to focus on the night.
Why have you been numbed from the dentist or something?
The past guides us to the future.
But what really matters most is us.
Right here, right now, fixing this shit.
It's the only place I want to be.
Loving this energy car, sir.
He is? We need to get him inside before you crash out.
I'm not supposed to have an existential crisis on the spacewalk.
You're supposed to dissociate to get the task done and then have your existential crash out, like in your own quarters, in zero G.
I got more growing pains than Maggie.
Who's smiling now?
Oh, she's farting!
Ewww!
Catch me, catch me!
I'm so ready for my first treat to eat.
Oh!
Told you, told you.
Always living in the moment.
I'm so sorry.
I'm just crying. I thought, oh, I'm going to die.
I jumped. I jumped.
Korky, I love her. She's so crazy.
Literally the worst possible death flying into space.
Nope, flying into space with no YouTube.
that. Nutty Putty Cave would be worse. I would rather fly off into space and be stuck in
Nutty Putty Cave. Turning points map out major story beats and also she could have lived.
She could have just ambiantly floated to the planet we were going to anyway. And then she
could have been standing there on the surface going like, what took you so long? She could
have already built like a fucking, you know, like cafe or something like that. She'd be
drinking like a matcha latte. What took you so long? Map out major story beats or rewind
the previous one to unlock turning points to switch story paths. You can also use turning
points to track secrets. This is a turning point. If you want to try another, if you
want to kill her, if you want to see what it would look like if she died, you could
go back. That's alright, we're chill.
Should we tell Earth?
Okay, wait, wait, wait. I wouldn't normally pause, but that's fucking funny. You think
in like 3,000 years they're gonna dig up nutty putty cave and be like a person of great
honor who was in Tomb Tear? This must have been an important ceremony.
Didn't they blow it up with like a grenade or something?
Didn't they throw a grenade down there so nobody else could ever get stuck in Nutty
Putty Cave?
Sorry, what is 0 of 44 skulls mean?
Is that good or bad?
We stick the protocol run diagnostics first, then we can decide what to do after that
Years of work on that bonsai wrote your spaceship has two fucking holes
You don't know much about horticulture do you hear me out?
remember when I was reading fracture and repair and then with that chapter on
kinsugi oh yes I remember bro be an active listener at least let her finish
her sentence that's wonderful except I'm pretty sure kinsugi is for pottery
Not plants
Damn sins you said clear comms
Are you okay
Civilization pirates
We're talking Sid Meier. He might as well handle the whole over it.
Crew complex? I mean, not so far. Not so far. It seemed a little one-dimensional, to be honest with you.
Well, first place I would probably look.
the glowing blue chevron on my heads-up display.
Child's laughter almost never a good thing on a space ship.
I
Sims
No, man, she hasn't been posture maxing
I'll probably ask if she's okay sims
She hits the good the Michael Jackson gonna turn around be like talk to me
He I know it's been tough for you out here
But I thought you were past this
I'm I'm here for you
Never
Just going to go wait dr. Cooper
Then she got the fucking legendary maze, bro
She got a loot!
I'm weak to electrical damage.
time I'm taking my ass to fuel junction.
Sounds like she dropped something down the stairs.
Does that have a certain David Schwimmer type quality?
It's hard to let go. Earth is the only home we know. But the truth is, our home is dying.
I don't want to hurt you.
We need to let go.
And ask what if.
What if life is not as we know it?
What if it's better?
Oh, she's camping me.
It's like trying to avoid seeing your mom on the day you get your report card.
My mom is dead.
Everyone is dead.
Does she hear me?
She...
Don't say she's gonna molly the box.
She's gonna...
She's gonna turn around.
Turn around!
I've forgotten it all.
I've forgotten everything.
Damn, she kind of sucks, huh?
She's like a moth.
Low FLB.
She's talking like Prince on Purple Rain.
Okay, I actually did get a little bit scared there.
Can anyone recap the story for me?
Our spaceship blew two holes in it and she sussed.
We're the only two people on it.
Also, we're both about to die one way or the other.
And then everyone's going to wake up and cry
and cry out so you can be like, what happened here?
Is she an imposter?
She might, she might be an imposter,
but I have, she's clearing herself.
Which I'm told is not a reliable way to,
to know who's sus and who's not.
She did tasks?
She literally did not do that.
I did all the tasks.
She did none tasks.
We're all gonna die out here.
She keeps saying that.
But she's the one with the damn plus two to lightning damage mace, bro.
Like it's literally shooting sparks off the walls.
quarters bro I mean the way this game is going I'm more concerned about cruise
holes
what the fuck
no this is the worst time possible for a windows update
Oh my god.
Use the bonsai.
Grab the bonsai and hit her over the head.
48 hours from flight crew, wake up.
Something's wrong with Sims.
I don't know.
She attacked me.
Oh god.
She's trying to kill me.
We were repairing an impact to the hull.
separated to repair different areas of the ship with them.
She's doing more damage to me than a fucking farmer's rat from Tim's.
And this is normally where we would see the archivist walking through the, walking through
the halls well-imagined dragons place it's only when we come he forgot to his
sense so annoying you know the whole group chat is just like they see his
face with like da da da next to it they're like it's been fucking hours man
what the fuck are you typing in there war and peace
Little Star.
In the episode 1, Little Star.
I know Big Star, man.
September Girls.
That 70's show theme song.
Two days before lunch, in loving memory of Bill, funeral
kind of crazy. I wasn't sure you'd be here. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
If you start early tonight, the Met says there's a storm building over the Atlantic.
could be dark even in the future you can only talk about the weather
makeup hair yeah posture
No, you're talking about my swagger.
Maybe I am.
The cake is going to be waxy as fuck.
Maybe they're future candles.
Four years.
It still doesn't feel real sometimes.
Dad was always gone for years on a mission.
I'm almost waiting for him to walk back through the door.
through the door.
And pop out of the cake.
Every time I say your name, I'm taking right back
to those first missions with him.
Oh, I'm sorry.
There's nothing to be sorry for.
It would be so awesome to introduce someone as your dad's
co-worker and then be like, oh, yeah.
Oh, we were away on a business trip together.
Where?
Oh, the talceti.
the closest habitable star with earth-like conditions.
They'd be like, oh, shit.
I thought you were in like fucking Chicago or something.
I didn't hear what you said.
What they want us to do is a lot to ask of someone.
I understand your concerns, young,
but what if we really got to lose?
You know, I look at you now, and I see that kid flying wild into the sun.
That was a long time ago.
When your father and I were on the road...
See? Like the aura from that sentence is so crazy.
He never once panicked.
Just treated it like any other job.
Well, yeah, I'd be panicking if you lost the O2 tank.
The CO2 tank? I could just get you another one, man.
Just breathe out.
Younger I asked him how he could be so relaxed and he just turned to me and he said
Never forget why you started Never forget why you started
Never forget why you started He'd have all the answers
I can't even cut the damn cake Never did figure out how to eat one of these
things
What's that?
Uh, what's that?
Present day!
Yippee!
if you want 20 over 70
or to it's 72
little high temperature 97.2
little little high on my
that's her HRV sleep score
take it easy
you'll feel groggy for a while
that's it
oxygen saturation 95%
low sense she's dropping
Look up.
Hey, low ass.
We just erased your memory. You belong to the company now.
Good morning, yeah.
This cauldron sims should they be here well that is standard procedure but this is in
the standard situation sims what's wrong you read Stafford and I were woken up automatically
by the ship he's trying to reach the sleep technicians now sims so wake up some me you
read what's going on what's going on we're reading multiple system crashes I've been
been trying to establish why
thanks
where are we?
we're in space
within range of the marker and decelerating for orbit
wreaking the second pilot now
She can float
I bet zero G sucks ass
I bet you get a hug and sick of it pretty quick
I bet you realize pretty damn quick that we were kind of like
You know, meant for to have a certain degree of gravity.
He's taking like one step back.
Bro, we haven't even found the Sims yet!
With Corinth.
Oh, shit. Like I already see.
Poor lad's got a hydro seal the size of a lemon.
It's terminal.
What?
How bad y'all?
He did say corn.
That's why we dissected our mission statement and then scattered it across the terminals
throughout the sleeping chambers.
Wait, this is the same fucking message, bro.
It's like when you're in line for a despicable me, Minion Rush at Universal Studios and they
start playing the grew trivia again yeah I'm lost
mentioned simple pleasure song big dog how you feeling hangover from hell
Carter Sims do you read that not lately I've been watching a lot of videos but it
was my New Year's resolution
I'm asking that the 10 gigahertz communication frequency on where the hell are you to this is audible
How bad are we talking
Oh, there's a hole in the side of the ship, sir.
I've been a little busy with the hole in the ship, sir.
I understood, you're fucking fired.
Apologies we weren't there to wake you, sir.
Can you confirm how many of you are awake?
Just before flight crew.
We'll wake the others hell over in Asclean.
She got the nefarious get up.
Go check on Mitchell.
the etsy of fit it's dad he's he's fucking faded man this is what he's going to be like
on his first stream back he's just he gets he's still in there you can see from his smile
oh whoa just smoozing four years of sleep wasn't enough huh whenever you're
ready kiddo oh shit four years of sleep sounds like me when I see that he's
hit a Tarkov vein on the always-on channel Riven shine sleeping beauty and
And to what do I owe the honor of this royal welcome?
There's been a whole breach.
What did you say, baby Dan?
Never have that haircut eye around.
I would explain why our oxygen processing is done.
That sounds bad.
Sound of control.
But we're only an hour from the marker.
Young, wisely, begin engine checks in preparation for orbit.
I'll take Mitchell and we'll reboot the CO2 scrubbers.
I thought I saved some oxygen and go back to sleep.
Come on, we have jobs to do.
The voice doesn't sound right coming out of my friend's body.
You feeling alright?
Kind of weird.
It feels like I went to sleep on the S-Fan.
Now I've had 8-4 years in the making.
It's like my body's going one way and my mind's going another.
That's to be expected.
It's a little twitchy.
I'm not sure you take care of yourself over the course of the mission, body and mind.
You understand?
Well, these guns have been asleep way too long.
You know I love your jokes.
I've always loved your jokes like that.
Got your belt buckle on backwards, buddy.
How much you benched your grandfather now it's a hell of an encore first man to exit
planetary mission not bad for commanders farewell retirement isn't for me or do we go he should
be saying something like yeah I just can't wait I just can't wait to be on
my back deck overlooking the mountains cup of coffee in my hand my family around
me should be saying some shit like that just one day from retirement my duty is
to serve it's all I've ever known I'm the luckiest commander in the car in
ranks for the best team I could have asked for. There's no other crew like us.
Yeah, you work like balance of shot.
A damn tragedy.
What's your take on Anders?
Bit of a labor placement, huh?
You trust her?
She's got the mumps, man.
I trust the recruitment process.
I trust the current recruitment process.
If McNamara was the best, Anders is a close second, especially given Koopa's seal of approval.
Koopa?
I guess so.
Isley, we're almost at hydroponics. Head over when you're done.
Man, they got the Sims, they got Mario, they got Dan?
Okay, remind me why we're here. Because the technicians didn't do their jobs.
They'll need to bring the reactor to full power.
You know, I've never flown with something with a reactor this size.
You weren't worried it might pop?
They'd get more unstable the bigger they are, don't they?
Don't be sensational. The tech's come a long way since Jessup Station.
You'd struggle to break this one even if you tried.
How can you be so sure?
Because I trust the science. And I trust my ship.
And we're gonna science the shit out of this.
out of this. We need to get back on schedule. I'm opening up my messenger system. It's
dark as hell in Hydro. Why was he talking like a like a rapper or something? It's
dark as hell in Hydro. I support you. I said give me two sex I'll get the lights.
Your feelings are valid. It'd be great if we could get the lights on ASAP.
Yeah, it was good to see you.
I see you now are down in the reactor room.
No, I don't want to see you.
Lowell, how's she getting on?
She's fine.
Small talk isn't exactly her forte.
I appreciate it.
She wasn't made second in command for her small talk.
Lowell!
You will, she's one of the good ones.
What about you, Carter?
You doing okay?
How's it looking down there?
Need any support?
You need any support? Winky tongue out?
Sims? You both okay? Stafford's worried about you.
Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Last rep. Damn.
She typed without realizing it and I can see that she's typing and now she can't pretend not to have read it.
Yeah, I'm gonna say we deactivate the landing computer to keep the
the fire control for now.
There we go.
You're gonna need the land?
Wrong land and I got the imposter of oneness on the ship!
If I land, the whole civilization could be fucked!
I'm gonna go get a gun.
Hey, sit down on the nappylcary roots.
Bite me.
Really?
No, it's good to see you taking care of your mental health.
The engines are prepped and the power plant is fully operational, Commander.
We're ready for a bit.
Excellent.
Work, Isley.
Can you guys keep it?
Can you keep it down over there?
Um, I don't know.
I don't know.
But given the circumstances, I'd say they're both performing well.
Probably just.
That tree was a neat addition.
It's good to have a reminder of home.
Actually, it measurably reduces the load on our oxygen scrubbers.
Plus, its canopy serves as an effective dust filter.
But yes, I had a hot thorn just like it in my garden back at home.
It's actually a cutting.
I'm glad you're with us, I think.
This ship is all you.
You should be proud to sail board it.
It's definitely like 99% steel and aluminum.
Long-ass joke, man.
I must say, I'm disappointed with our sea technicians.
I'd expect it more efficiency from them.
I'd expect it more efficiency from them you think they should have been there to
wake us I'd like to know why they thought the repairs were more important
but there's a hole in the shaft I'd like to check their service logs I accept
this very well because I know that there sucks but I see do remember that we're
all a long way from home we sure bros not retired you just woke up from a
four-year nap he's busy looking at the damn tree
Oh, when the Roomba suss?
Oh, shit.
Imagine?
You don't need to break the Roomba, bro. Just put it next to a flight of stairs.
It's beautiful out there.
Sure is.
You ever think what you might have been if you were a pilot?
No chance. This has always been it for me.
God damn right.
I could die out here. Yep.
But that is not going to happen. No, I mean like, it'd be cool.
lagged at dying out of space.
What do you do?
Gosh, no, no, no.
I'd be dead.
No, I meant with my body.
If I had died, would you just pop the airlock and send me floating out into space?
I'd be doing some weekend at Bernie's ship for sure.
Hmm.
Company guideline state, no littering in all bit.
That definitely includes your dead arse.
Cold-blooded.
Actually, Hydra, you'd make me a good man.
You'd make perfect fertilizer for the shrubbery.
You know, like a back-to-nature kind of thing.
I could visit every night.
Fill you in on the latest.
But don't go dying just yet.
All for you, I'd go for promotion.
Freeze drying.
Seriously?
Yeah, it'd be kind of fine.
Put you into an airtight bag,
stick you around to negative 270 degrees,
shake you around a little
until you shatter into a million pieces.
With that one co-worker who's a little too dumb?
Find the ground young
You were like what would you do with my body and then she did not ask and you were like I basically break you into like a trillie pieces
Don't even joke about that. Oh
What's he knew?
I can't tell if you're joking or just being an ass.
There were no signs. He always lit up a room.
He was just like anybody and he was so handsome.
He was so handsome.
He was too handsome to be a serial killer.
If you got to go, just go.
It's not going to disappear.
Oh, next recording buffering.
Okay, that's a very embarrassing shot, to be honest.
Yeah, I remember this.
I played it about 12 minutes ago.
Shit looked like a house in 1977.
Wait, wait, this is where things went wrong.
No, don't go just out of frame.
Don't go just out of frame.
It's recording buffering.
drink verification can that's us man little hot dog still in their wrapper
That was the alien shit. Did you guys hear that fucking alien?
You guys think if you're married they could have you sleep in the same pod?
Maybe you'd sleep better in like a, in separate pods. I don't know.
I might take offense to be on. I get it.
They say I fucking get it. I mean four years of sleep. Oh shit
Damn she's locked in man
It'll be great until she steals the blanket for four years. All you wake up cold as fuck for sure. Absolutely
But she starts telling you about the four-year long dream she had where you were not very nice
And you got to be like, damn
Damn three and a half years of me being an asshole in your dream. That's crazy
What's up y'all?
Just a video?
He's like, oh fuck.
I'm one day away from retirement.
I'm about to get...
You are one crook.
Jesus.
He's like, oh fuck.
I'm one day away from retirement.
I'm about to get Cuban resource.
Sleep technicians.
I thought I'd check their surveillance logs,
and I found something weird.
Look at the time code on this one.
She's dressed.
Seems to hear she's dressed normally.
They should be running.
Shortly after that, she's dressed kind of evil.
No, Claude, but the systems are collecting all over the ship.
The camera probably crashed, but the time call kept running.
That's an assumption.
What are you suggesting?
Do you think it's odd?
Don't you think it's odd?
Is it normal behavior to be standing still, staring at us for hours on end?
What's going on?
I don't know, Isley.
I'm only good catch to me.
And how do you explain the missing files just as things get abnormal?
Must have been the wind we don't know how bad the systems have been damaged
We have to consider the facts before jumping to conclusions if you need me. I'll be at the tree on this tape
Commander we're coming up to the market now. We need to prep the booster in detachment
Confirmed thanks young
You're welcome oji. I see you're the last person I need to remind how important this mission is
Stop coming up with problems. Stop coming up with things that can get in the way of our mission.
Sir.
What more do you want?
I want a full report. Yeah, I want a full... Something doesn't sit right. I want a full report.
Something doesn't sit right with me.
Something about this doesn't sit right with me.
If I wanted you to sit right, I'd get you a Herman Miller.
I'll speak to them. Don't worry.
I just think it's worth getting in touch with them.
Unfortunately, we have a contract with DX Racer.
We'll need all hands on deck for the detachment.
Especially in my second command.
Do you mind if I speak to Carter and Sims?
Talk to them. Trust me.
Screw it.
Shorting the shit fucking hoes. You're sorry. I got oh, did you see the Leafs won the fucking draft lottery again?
Sorry commander, there's just too much interference down there
Just make sure he's well clear of that before we engage the breaking bar take care of sounds
She'd be up, she's dead.
Don't ask alien if you didn't realize that when the human body does that, it kills us.
Booster ring isn't designed for close orbit.
To ensure its integrity, we're releasing it into a safer orbit around the planet while
outside the atmosphere.
Planet Puppetron.
Once the Cassiopeia is in orbit around Tau Setti F, we'll wake the science crew and begin
the planetary survey for the landing team on the Andromeda.
Manual detached sequence set.
Confirmed.
Sequence is primed.
On my mark.
I'm up hard sci-fi
We should have visual on Tau City F now. Let's get her up on screen
The men ingidest my boy, man.
If only Dot could have seen this.
I know.
Unfortunately, Heaven doesn't have a telescope.
Hey, maybe we should land this thing.
Take a little walk before the Andromeda gets here.
Not this again.
Look, I get it.
Not enough fuel to land and get home.
I'm just saying, it's about legacy.
This isn't about fortune and glory.
It's about power.
We were chosen to clear a path for history to be made.
Think about that.
We trained together.
We launched.
We planed together.
We rocketed together.
And we returned together.
It's not about what we do here.
That's what we learn.
They don't we gotta forge the way for the next great leap in human progress.
Okay, he's good.
Best of the best.
They're in sorghum as captain.
There are anomalous issues regarding the sleep crew.
I'm going to perform a search of their quarters.
After that, she should perform a search of their holes.
But something is not right.
Marcus Williams.
Don't have time to stand around.
Yeah, yeah.
It's done before Stafford has my head.
Is there something about space travel where it costs like a million dollars per ounce to like,
So I'm just asking because there's a statue of like solid granite
See the XO
To me XO is a sauce you can on fried rice, okay? That's my way of saying I don't know what that means
We're still chill.
The thing is hollow and full of wine.
You sound like Olenna Tyrell.
wake up day I can't get into the door happy wake-up day
no no open it up please I'd like to see more all this because I have to divert
Get the motherfucking power or something.
Search the upper-age room.
Wouldn't...
Or sparking up, man.
Uncle, come on.
You can just type exactly what I need to do.
You hack it by other window. It's that simple. Lockdown lifted. Lockdown in effect. Well,
that'll keep the aliens from getting into the room. It's that simple.
Well, at least they made the wake-up cake.
Rolston. Happy wake-up day. I know this cake. Bottom layer, thick, cookie base. Middle layer,
crumbs, top layer, oh delicious DQ soft serve. And every bite you're like this
layer is my favorite, then you take the next bite and you're like wait maybe
this layer is my favorite. And COP a cash crisis. Can you put a price tag on
our future? The resounding answer from governments around the world is no, this
This is science fiction man, holy cow.
I thought right click was zoom.
Not bad y'all.
Oh shit.
CEO Lamarcus Williams.
One, three, five, seven, six.
One, three, five, seven, six.
No shot LaMarcus's Peter Whelan did his ass right onto the ship, 1-3-5-7-6.
I did catch her venting.
It's a revolution in video gaming.
You don't open the door via the door anymore.
You open it via a terminal on the side.
What?
What?
You open it via an app. Yeah, bro. You don't have a phone? Just get the app, bro. It's
on the app. Oh, yeah. When your power goes out, we just go and just shoot flames out
of it. But like that only happens. Either in a situation where a software update goes
bad or if you ever lost power or Wi-Fi connection for whatever reason a secret
What a tongue shake.
Group complex.
Hang on.
I've learned how to handle it.
How have you guarded me with me and had your planets, don't you worry?
It's important to be mindful
We're hot technicians that means we're awake for the four years started a vlog channel while we were asleep, man
And before your journey back right as the wake of crew or sleep group as we like to say
This is like when prank versus prank announced that they were breaking up
Well, in a manner of speaking, let's just say like his body might be making another appearance.
Oh shit, with haste, man.
Awarded for exceptional bravery to Bill Young.
Just put that back on the ground where it belongs.
He'll give Bill's to just about anybody.
More like Bill Olds.
I think he's Bill Dead, man.
Yep, key code required.
Key codes can be found in the nearby area.
Yeah, nearby, like my brain.
I'd like to enter 13576, please.
That's me!
I would die a hundred times if it meant humanity could survive.
He's got his own quote on the back, man.
I must read for those who say it's too late for humanity, as Lamarcus would say, not today.
Words to live by, not today.
When he said not today, I clapped and cheered.
Of course, he would have a podcast.
Bro, have you seen the Lamarcus Williams episode with Mishima yet?
They got I'm not one of those guys. I'm not like a politics guy, but they had some really interesting stuff
Just stuff to think about you know
Revived Mishima we've we've recreated Mishima in the aggregate through the use of several large language modules
That's how the Wi-Fi be looking in the cafe.
What the h- at the door that opened by itself?
Something new conversation mentioned.
New conversa- new conversation mentioned.
Eyes we come in, you're needed in the cockpit, where are you?
I'm down in tech quarters, the place is a mess.
Anything else out of the u-
is not give a fuck man there's a hole in the ship there's shit flying around all
over the place there's two people that we haven't been able to get eyes on yet
that are doing shady shit and he's like is there anything wrong other than that
no ah don't worry when everything's unusual the unusual is normal we'll
figure it out look at my captain bro we're fucked nonchalant ass
He's been coaxed into a snafu.
Oh shit, not this.
Like Mr. Beast, man.
They fucking blew up.
They got the biggest channel on the whole ship.
Mr. Orbeez.
Mr. Orbeez gets me every time.
And the damn chess board got flipped, man.
I
Am searching the crew quarters
I mean it's not too bad bros got like 10 days off in the middle
Yeah, a goo alien doesn't know how to solve a win end game.
Key code required.
Okay, the password, excuse me, I got trapped by a damn pillow.
The password is his daughter's birthday.
It's a hell of a puzzle, bro
August 28th, that's a security fail. Well, yeah, but who's gonna hack his shit on the ship, you know like an alien
There's only six other motherfuckers here
So you don't need to type 0828. I can figure this one out for myself. I might need you later when I
get stuck at a closed door that requires clicking a button to open. Real shit like this, no problem.
Also, I just want to say something. I think the alien is making an error. Like it just
crashed onto the ship. I wouldn't be out there trying to murder them. At least be trying
to eat something first. Maybe get a couple of free meals. I'm just going out here trying
to figure out how to kill everybody on the spaceship.
Still in engineering, huh?
Right, new conversation.
I have some questions. Can you report in?
Carter, I've been trying to get through to you. Where are you?
Up to my arms and fixes at the moment. I'll report back soon.
What fixes? In the guts. Trust me, lots of...
If these walls could talk, man. Have you conducted flight checks for orbit?
Have you conducted flight checks for orbit?
Damn, hiding you too, Isley.
I mean, she is being real nosy.
Haven't heard from you for a while.
Has something come up?
Stafford mentioned you were working on the antenna updates.
Yes, almost finished with them.
That's great, except there aren't any antenna updates.
Oh, shit.
The alien is like, what the, oh, fuck,
What the fuck?
She's gonna call me, so we're gonna hit
the emergency meeting budding,
and she's gonna call me sus.
And that's how you know,
but then probably all the other people are gonna be like,
maybe she is sus, they're gonna vote me out.
Just gearing up for orbit.
I wanted to say thank you for handling the wakeup.
You handle it really smoothly.
I accept your compliment.
It's nice to wake up to a friendly face.
We appreciate it, smiley face.
I'm glad.
No smiley face.
Neuro-typical ass.
It's been one minute of gameplay time to check my discord.
We approached the marker in less than an hour.
I've just been catching up with staffer.
I must insist.
I'm all business.
Come on, we've been asleep for four years.
Then you shouldn't have much to catch up on.
You're really one of a kind, aren't you?
Don't you hate it?
It says we have a new message.
I can't figure out who the message is from.
It's probably from parking, pay by phone,
telling me like my car's about to get towed
or some shit like that.
Fuck phantom message, bro
Shit watching our own video
That's how you know it's good.
This is how I imagine people are tweaking out when I make a misplay and slate inspire.
When I play talk to the hand last after playing all my attacks.
They're doing the...
You know what I'm talking about?
Nicky, yeah?
All those sims, but also don't get caught.
It's important to be mindful.
Where are you going?
She's in the halls like Taylor.
And before you're turned back.
Right.
That's how I've been walking lately, trying to teach my daughter how to ride her bike.
We manage and model the day-to-day crew's sleep spots while I'm trekkin'.
Oh, I'm playing. Mom and Dad.
Garth's or I? No, Jail.
That's not a joke. This is like my back kind of hurts.
With the toe walking at the same time, yes, it's double the stress on the body.
How you walk when you're out of TP?
Yes sir.
Now you're talking like Melody from House.
Tank controls just like a hell of a hip swivel
Warning! Reconsideration in progress.
They're gonna say some shit they're out like. There are two life forms in the room.
A computer. Go to the diagnostic again.
There are two life forms in the room.
This stupid astronaut thought they could get away with sneaking up on an alien.
Here's a sunshine moment.
I'm gonna restore power to the fire control systems.
Magged.
What the fuck?
She's fast as fuck, man, but I do have to go down there.
We'll say, we'll say, not to damn the game like an hour and a half in or however long
in we are right now, awful lot of just following people thus far.
Two out, well, I started with half an hour of complaining that people drink water these
days.
What are you doing?
What's wrong, Sims?
What's wrong, Sims?
Talk to me.
Warning.
on
run
well don't do this i don't know
No shit!
Sims?
Hold your breath!
Escape key to vents.
Hang on, check my messages real quick.
I got a- I got a new outlink to when they've opened the vents on Field Junction 4.
But I have a new message?
Oh, I have a Christian education though.
Shut the airlock!
Eiffel, are you in there?
Stafford, seal the airlock!
Ranger, seal it up right now!
Confirming order to seal airlock, sir?
I will engage along our lines.
Wait, what if she's in here though?
Or what if...
What if the Canadian's in here?
Eiffel, are you safe?
Report in!
Wifi is pretty bad down here in the vents.
Time to get gaslit?
I KNOW my ass is showing up to the cockpit and they're gonna be like, why did you try
try to kill sins.
Maintenance alert.
Blockage detected in ventilation system.
That was me, bro.
I'm the blockage.
I gotta have a serious conversation with her,
because that was not okay, man.
That's not the type of things that friends do for one another, or to one another.
Oh shit.
Someone drank my Powerade.
of
the
death
of
the
ever kind of transmission was meticulously planned life however is unpredictable mom found a blood boy
within our control the universe always has a plan of its own
They're all named after like Slay the Spire, region powers, little star, best laid plans.
silent card? Oh, whatever.
22 hours later, the bone temple.
Yeah, I saw these guys got pants, he's even got a shirt on by the looks of it.
Synergy.
Maximizing effectiveness.
Cutting the fat.
Open the door.
No.
How do I know it's you?
How do I know it's you?
Don't be ridiculous, Cernan.
Go away.
Go away.
Go away, there is a solution to everything right
Shit oh
You just kind of put you just gonna shove it in the port
There enough man
We need you to sign Sherry's birthday card.
Have you signed Sherry's birthday card yet?
Pretty curious. Looks like a lot of interesting stuff is happening in the 22 hours we didn't get to see, man.
about that story you told me.
And the boys who are always running high and safe,
all can calm nothing down on the ground.
Are you calm now?
This isn't a game.
I'm starting to think that myself to be honest.
You know, where's the fella?
The fella's on route.
This is not a drill.
Can you even fight them?
my guess is that if you make a mistake you can probably get caught once and
maybe get like a little bit of an injury or something like that but if you get
caught twice you're gonna be in a lot of trouble kind of trouble that gets you
dead
I need to get in there to open the door to restore power to the other door.
I can't get in here because this door doesn't have any power.
Wait, I have an idea.
He's just gonna walk back and forth, which I think is awesome.
I'm gonna open this,
and then vault over climbable ledges.
Of course.
I could have told you that.
It's okay, sir.
I can help.
Progress can be ugly and cornet hours both always still podcasting driving
humanity forwards to move forward we have to look at where we are sometimes the
reality is ugly. He's given a little bit of like Mark Ruffalo in Mickey 17
Mickey 6-7.
It's always interesting to me, not to be the world's most evil gamer, it's always interesting
to me with these games that are movies trying to do to reassert that they're games, I always
it's not a movie. It has gameplay. What's the gameplay? Pressing the E button over and
over to follow like translucent lines on the ground to restore power to a door so you can
get to the next part of the movie.
I don't know where I'm going, man.
Maybe to vent number two, a new objective, sneak to the controller.
Oh, fucking don't open that thing up, man.
Ah, shit.
Oops.
like I'd be so much happier if we were just in a cutscene right now
Look at that. We've made it.
Not today, boss. Certainly escaped Williams without being caught.
Present time.
Present time!
Give him two liters of water, stat.
He's not looking so good.
The half is worried about you.
We found Carter's body.
safe? At least tell me that. Can you give us any information on what's happened? Please,
they deserve to know what's happened. Nothing. They must still be in the car. You're gonna
save some shit like sorry, just saw this. LOL, I was on D not the third. Anyway, can
you come into the office tomorrow? Decomposition's already started. They've been dead for hours.
Must have been there since we woke. Doesn't make any fucking sense, man. Stafford spoke
to them we heard them help me feel the pot yeah okay push now this don't feel right man
I'm stuck. Shit. We're going to have to break it.
He could have been.
Can we just put them in an airtight bag and then put them in minus 270 degrees Celsius temperature
and then turn them into ground coffee or whatever?
Lord have mercy.
So, what do we say?
See, that's pretty bad.
Least inappropriate, least inappropriate reaction.
It's been a whole bunch, man.
It does say, oh shit, I said, God help me.
I said, God help me.
into the abdominal region.
That's different to the rest of the wings.
Could be the cause of death.
We don't know that.
A stoop.
Oh, shit.
Broken arm.
What happened there?
Is missing.
Chained the arm, chipped.
No way of tracking it.
We tried nothing, and we're all out of ideas.
No coms unit.
It's missing.
Bro turned off his body cam.
Yeah, yeah, he's missing half his face.
What the fuck?
He's got a- he's got a damn Python in there.
Can he walk?
of this measure even something like this yeah sure man what are we gonna do we
need to find Sam's we need an autopsy we don't have time for almost at all they
wake up everybody somebody's blowing people's limbs off how could I have
gotten her so wrong people change a lot can happen in four years
They really had no red flags during training?
They both passed the trials with flying colors.
Red flags can also fly.
We'll find her.
You can count on that.
Let's get this pod sealed and file a report.
I know there's some major shit going down right now, but we're real tight on that mission
marker.
I'm trying to get door a bit grander.
Oh no, wait son.
He's got a pond in the tree a little bit.
You go ahead.
I'll be right behind you.
At least like salute or some shit like that.
That's a saluting face.
Yeah, oh, I really thought I clocked it.
When I do, you will face the consequences of your actions.
Rose said you're gonna regret that.
We don't take kindly to eating crew members around here.
I know she's scared, man.
And even the computers are killing him now.
Scary ass machine.
Hey Nalu, thank you for the gifted subscription.
Yeah, thanks.
Thank you.
Are you here station?
Yes, commander.
Good.
How long have we got?
Orbital window closing rapidly, commander.
I have back to control your own main engines, so the whole ship is orbital windows
You got two fucking holes. They don't they don't care about the holes in the ship
Yeah, you got this under control
Let's do
Imagine
Open your mind's eye and picture the body of Thomas Carter. This is what he would have wanted
When he was being absolutely eviscerated by some kind of extraterrestrial force, this is what he signed up for.
But this is what we trained for. Let's pull together. Let's do it for Kark.
for madden i put the ship on my back oh shit
pipa sins one of the most hard and hidden
this god safeties on the ship strange i'm
picking up some odd readouts in near
orbit stellar objects a wonderful scan
one more stable don't worry about it
Prepare for breaking burn final checks, please guidance go orientation go thrust go
Let's send it man. Go firing in five four three
two one
Greg
It's your panel, can I talk to you about it?
I don't know. The engines are responding.
He's right. It's mechanical.
I can't cut the engines either.
Shit.
Don't worry about it, guys.
Do it for Carter!
Did you cut the engines?
No.
The fuel tank bottomed out.
We are thirty seconds from atmosphere.
Impact philosophy.
Survival.
But it depends on how you don't worry about it.
Yeah.
I'm just round for a landing.
Starting aerobrake.
I'm gonna fly it in with the OCS.
That can't be the right angle, man.
Our OCS reserves 82%.
Get ready to dump it into the retros.
Ready.
Kinda crazy to see this too. It was like on board the Artemis 2.
Wait.
I can bring the landing computer online manually.
Ah, but what's the point?
It's too dangerous.
Commander, if we need that computer online, we can fix it.
If you go now, we can't risk going in dark.
Do it.
I'm going in.
Twenty clicks to impact.
Stop it.
Stop it!
Nonchalant ass!
Reboot computer!
The backup computer's disabled!
We shut it down to re-power the ship! Get back to your seat!
You just told me to go!
Oh
It's like a salad seven clicks
Hey Mike, I think she told me to go.
She said you could do it if you go now.
Then Bro went to do the computer and she's like oh yeah I turned it off, get back in
your seat.
Joseph's turning.
We shouldn't have to worry about this, because the bro is alive right now.
It looks like the fella from it follows.
Cooper!
Oh, still, I'm almost done.
What's going on?
What's going on?
Where's the rest of the crew?
We're not sure what's going on yet.
Right now, I need you to stay calm so I can complete the wake-up process.
It was just pressing a damn button. Just clicking all the images that have traffic lights or some shit like chill out
We go gravity
Where are the sleep technicians? They're not able to help at the moment. Cod is dead
What his pod must have malfunctioned
What happened to him we don't know
My god, he's mangled poor Carter. We can't get a line through to the oracle all the rest of the crew
We don't know what's going on
May he have no suffering
Form is no other than emptiness
Emptiness no other than form
May he have no suffering
She's like god damn it
No.
He was dying.
Well you see the dude, the dude's mangled corpse and then the guy goes, well, must have been God's plan.
Oh, fuck!
The messenger is down.
The cult connects to cults.
I'm sorry, I didn't notice.
He's fucking, he's trying to help.
Oh, man, the fit is crazy.
The fit is so awesome.
Where you going?
Where you going, man? Where you going?
We can't get out of here.
Oh, man, that's awesome.
Oh
We've taken some major damage
Lower decks in particular. Yeah, we know what we don't okay. Sorry. I'm just trying to help we've crash landed or the ships
Entered a catastrophic spin right now. There's no way of telling breach shields have locked us in here
Okay, but one of us is gonna have to change do you read?
Stafford, do you read?
Okay.
Bro is a spirit by now, man.
You really want to wake the boss up to this nightmare?
It's not safe to leave him under an emergency.
I'll wake him.
Shit.
His blood stabilizer's not responding.
We need to get him through wake-up immediately.
Release the emergency lock.
On the back, next to the hinge.
Left side.
Got it.
I'm going to give him a quick pulse to wake him. Get ready to...
Shit!
Oh, shit.
Cernan, hold him down.
His HRV is dipped.
So that's 200 cc of peptide stat.
He's hemorrhaging.
He's fine. His body's just reacting to the heavy dose.
Well, that's some reaction.
Better nosebleed now than an aneurysm later.
I've heard that.
We need to override those breed seals.
We could get through some wedge tools, right?
Right. Tool stores behind that bulkhead over there.
Though there should be the maintenance tunnel.
come with me if we break that breach seal we can regroup with the crew and
find out what happened here assuming this little live well I hope you've got
your pilot's license because if you're right you're flying us home oh it's
hard to do him closely and holler if you need they don't know the ship looks
like a brick of Swiss cheese right now guess it's just you and me now
Override the breach seals feel like Chris Evans and sunshine you okay back there
Anders he better go down here and go like whoa my god it's cold it's cold in
here you just woke up keep moving you'll warm up when you're hot you're hot man
you think Williams is going to pull through that you think Carter's gonna
pull through
This one is the fit. It is so good.
You used to crawl through shit for fun?
Read pieces of shit for breakfast? Yeah.
That didn't need to be this long.
I don't want a nitpick, but there's an awful lot of just holding W through tunnels in this
game.
Could be a disguise loading screen.
Damn, okay.
First dance kind of crazy though. Just taking big steps.
Do you even know where you're going?
Do you even have to go?
I think.
Any day now.
I'm just kind of frame logging me to
Override the breach seals gain access to tool storage
Get the toes out and everything bro. I'm not sleeping in cryosleep in shoes, okay
It's gonna compromise my REM cycle
I've got a tiny butt, I'm not trying to be an asshole, it's got a way smaller butt than
I expected.
That is a Hank Hill ass.
Can't open my message terminal.
Hey guys.
We got to override the breach seal to gain access to tool storage.
Maybe something like that?
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Meaningful choices.
Memorable gameplay.
Look at this place.
You sound like a kid in a candy store.
So far, we've had luck on our side.
That's what the lucky charm.
You know, well, let's see where this goes.
It reminds me of my husband, Mikhail.
He passed in me.
Sometimes.
A while ago now.
But we made a promise to each other before he died.
I would keep giving him little kisses from time to time.
I promise to honor him by living a life that he can be proud of.
He's watching over you, I bet.
Come on. We better get back to the others.
Yeah, first thought. Oh, glad that's over.
I'm an awkward ass conversation to have with a co-worker.
We're really only friends from work.
Hey, Mom. Just that dinner.
I know space food has come a long way, but...
No amount of salt can make clothes leak powder compared to your cooking.
I'd kill for some master doll right now.
Would you?
We're pretty close to Cetus.
If I see her eating some master doll, I'm gonna know what happened to Cooper.
I spent almost two hours waiting on a reply.
I thought they'd be excited to hear from someone else, but they're obviously far too busy.
Oh, speaking of the devil.
But you're corrupted, man.
You're not allowed to use that?
Oh, shit.
The ghost.
They got dead by daylight on this man. Yippee!
No don't open it up! There's that guy. That guy in there is talking about how he
lives three days every day.
He's having a core memory, he's having a canon event.
What's our share price?
What's happened?
There's no need to worry, Mr. Williams.
You just need to remain calm and relaxed.
Once your condition has stabilized, we can give you a full report on what we know.
I do feel pretty woozy.
That's okay.
Just remain seated.
Takes some deep breaths.
It takes a while to settle down, but it will.
promise. Anders, stay with Williams. We need to get this door open. Right away, Doc. He
is Cooper now. Told you she wouldn't be long. Yeah, I just... Time to clock out, Doc. I
just talked to him. I just talked to him. He knows I'm here. Miss me? We're lucky to
have you we're lucky to have you here you know you're the second smartest person I know
second smartest after you oh I meant Isley okay you're the third smartest person I know
is Isley the alien and then you are nice to me am I dying how long do I have doc no you're good
i'll take care of you i'll be back in a minute just gotta get that door open
should i be feeling this shitty
i thought you didn't have a conscience okay wait we gotta put some pants on you gotta put some
Fuck him pants on man, aren't we supposed to be in zero G?
Shit
Erm
I see
Yeah, everything's fine except for the ship crashing part
Is everyone through wake up?
We had a problem with Williams, but he seems to be
Stable?
There's something really simple.
What's going on?
Keep this brief.
Like you're under where?
The flight crew was woken by a minor meteorite impact.
It penetrated multiple decks and unsurprisingly it caused some system failures.
There was a conscious uncoupling of the whole firm itself?
No.
we had a series of operational challenges getting into orbit and you
said this would be brief we had to land on tower city F what this mission was
not configured for a landing what does that mean we don't have enough fuel to
get home what that sounds like a bit of an oversight who made that decision me
and it wasn't an oversight we weren't given enough fuel to land and take off
again but it's stealing the Andromeda's limelight did you not even skim read the
mission brief I think we deserve a little more trust it's not about trust it's
about controlling the parameters of the mission also have you guys seen Carter
and for now somebody's out here biting the legs and feet our long-range
transmitter was damaged in the crash and we need to run repairs until then we can
only receive messages from earth we can't talk back way it should be man is
that how Carter died in the crash
you tried to catch the ship doing our hibernation it looks like Sims suffered a
psychotic episode. She killed Carter. She may have even contributed to the
crash. Oh now the crash has a go fund me. Stop. Do you mean to tell me that I've
invested billions of dollars several years of my life and traveled halfway
across the galaxy on a mission that has fallen apart before it's even got
started this is what I wake up to and to top it off a murder are you fucking
kidding me I had your fullest assurance that these two were vetted painstakingly
out of thousands of potential let's go send help this is not healthy sir this is
not helping let's wait until we have all the data before jumping to conclusions
You'd better get those answers fast because I'm seriously starting to doubt your confidence.
Not today, Anders.
Oh, it's been so long since I was on a podcast.
My head hurts like hell.
I'm giving you an anti-epileptic.
It'll ease the pain and relieve the pressure on your blood system.
Please tell me Sims isn't still out there.
I'm afraid she is.
We believe she's using the maintenance layers to evade surveillance.
Sir, I'd like to suggest we conduct a reconnaissance of the ship to locate her.
It's not safe to tackle any other issues until this matter is resolved.
Who put you in charge?
With respect, Mr. Williams, you did.
I want to speak with Stafford now.
Well, be careful what you wish for, buddy.
I'm afraid that won't be possible.
Bros given inspirational speeches the same Peter right now
He ain't looking so good
Just looking like Anakin Skywalker in return of the Jedi
It's game over he is he's wearing the Balenciaga though. It's here fucking prayers
I guess we're not getting out of this one.
What the fuck are we gonna do, man?
What are we gonna do?
Please, shut up.
You're not listening!
Can you see what's happening here?
Just shut up!
Fuck is your problem!
You're meant to squeeze it.
If we're going to mitigate this mess,
if we're going to survive,
then I need you to get me a damage assessment.
We at least have a competent commander now.
Who told him to stand up?
and there goes our inspirational year janitorial is gonna be fucking pissed off when they crack
open this beast what the fuck did you do to the ship man
we looked at rest for so long just kind of write the middle guy from now after my dad
passed away. Stafford always kept this consistency in my life. Back then I needed that so much.
I never pictured having to do this without him. My dad set the bar pretty well. Who's gonna tell
us not to worry about anything now? I mean, who's gonna be breathed on all of our fucked up problems
and say, we'll deal with it later.
I always saw the best of me.
There's the fucking greatest.
Be a reed?
Continue your sweep. We'll be in bridge ops running damage diagnostics.
Fuck. I can't ever bring myself to do this.
It's probably just hitting the button, man.
Stop it.
Go mad.
For Stafford.
It's by the transitive property for Stafford's who wanted us to do it for Carter
Who wanted us to do it for the 2028 2029 Vancouver Canucks
Who finally broke their historic Stanley Cup drought and won the championship
Yes, man
damaged. Work down them now. Good luck.
Beautiful. Feels like we're gonna need more than luck.
Okay let's split up. What? If we do this in Paris we'll cover more ground.
Once we've done a sweep we'll converge on their quarters.
And if we find them? You keep safe and you report it over
comms. Cernan, you take Mr. Williams. Anders, you're with me.
hey take care Cooper you too and there's just follow your heart
God it's been trashed we need to get to the other side of the wreckage
What's up, Mio? Gameplay.
It's too much like Tomodachi Life, man.
No, I got 12 crew members. I gotta go message every single one of them to introduce myself to them.
Nothing but a peanut man. Rush B, Rush B.
She might have been sus before the alien got to her, to be honest.
Shit, there's glass everywhere.
Wrong. Worth a try.
Keep an eye out for a key code, okay?
Where'd you go?
What's your four favorite numbers in sequence?
Oh shit.
Door fixing simulator.
I did it.
You think I've gone too far?
I was a kid and girl in my school went missing.
This there was this whole search party, pretty much the whole town.
I was too young to join.
Oh yeah, and also I killed her.
Weird ass fucking message, bro.
The Grarian Appliquets.
A Feast for the Gods.
According to the choir's new Trimito producers,
he made the labs.
Ah!
She's gonna be really funny.
Look at him.
She got PTSD from when she used to work at Starbucks.
I've never known something to go by so quickly
and so slowly all of a sudden.
Shit.
I miss you.
We miss you.
Luna, come say hello to daddy.
No.
I told her that she can talk to you but you can't talk back. She doesn't like it
bit. I've been explaining how important your mission is. Does she know? How proud
of you we both are. We know you've given this company an arm and a leg. We stood
together and we'll be fine. I've got your back. I don't really want a power up
Can we reuse the power cell from earlier?
Maybe.
How you holding up?
I'm stuck on an alien planet with a bunch of people I barely know.
If I hadn't taken that transfer, I'd be safe at home right now.
Weird thing for an astronaut to say, to be honest.
They're stuck with you, Anders.
Because they must feel.
Hey, I'm delightful.
Once you break through the quirks,
Which takes time patience?
Yeah, I guess you can be I
Can feel that sunny disposition running out pretty soon though
Then you'll be in trouble
Company made a big mistake sending me here
Oh shit
Fuck the company. They're not here. We are we rule they drew
Wow, your maturity knows no bounds
Yeah. Again with this. We're going to girl boss our way out of this. What the? Lore?
More lore? Here, Mr. Williams, I'm writing the form of the recommends. O. E. Anders is
our new science officer. Why is it written on a damn napkin? Losing McNamara was a huge
... I'm sorry, I don't trust your letter of recommendation. You have the penmanship
of an eighth grader. This is not how serious adults write. This is how you write in the
eighth grade when your name is Jessica, and you're the valedictorian. Let me see this.
I
Need to bring back ruling and drooling I
Think as as guys we kind of ruined it for everybody used to say boys rule girls drool can't can't get away with that anymore
Rubian problematic as fuck in the fourth grade, man.
Not quite what you expected to win.
Not bad, y'all.
Right click was zoom once and then never again.
You all right?
this is acting commander Isley of the Casio Pia. It is with great regret that I must report the death of Commander Nolan Stafford. He died protecting his crew.
In a manner of speaking. It is also my responsibility to state that I allow the backup landing computer to be disabled.
Take the shot.
report to any inquest upon our return to Earth.
Oh shit.
Don't worry, she can't get out.
Search for sims, power the door.
Power the door, search for sims, doing a lot of heavy lifting in the objective department
this game. Excuse me, I'm going to reuse the power cell from the previous store, like a boss.
Sam Mothal's hands.
When you see the dude come out of the spaceship bathroom, his hands aren't even wet.
Strange.
Given her rapid recovery and exemplary medical reputation, I believe she's still the top candidate for the CEDIS mission.
They're calling it the worst NL chat of all time.
Chat's been pretty funny.
You want to see the worst chat in NL history, you've got to go back to last Wednesday when
we played Gambonanza.
That was a rough one to be honest with you.
Even the mods are laughing.
Let me out, bro.
You?
Let me out?
We are here doing the most.
We're doing those let's plays out on the back roads.
I'm trying not to think about it.
Thanks for bringing it up, by the way.
But you know what? Hey!
We gotta... I know exactly what we gotta do, man.
Power up this door.
Open the shutter.
Okay, grab the power cell from the door.
My thoughts exactly.
Grab the power cell from the door.
Let's get out of here.
Go back through this way.
I do, I feel like we want the shutter to get open though because it's probably going to
give us a tool that we can use to fight off the alien.
But I couldn't find the password, man.
Honestly, life's just too short for that kind of shit.
Maybe it's through here, I don't know.
Catch me on the court and I'm troubled.
Last week, freaked around and got a triple double.
basketball court in space to be kind of sick you know in zero G to be hidden
those kind of plays they hid in the sixth man sounds like a messenger ping
Anton let it go has to be nearby
don't tell you remember the sixth man the angels in the outfield for high
school basketball
Weirdly, yes.
Renting a control video for some reason when I was like 9.
Now, I'm just gonna be honest, I'm kinda sick of her.
He's taken up way too much mental real estate in the game so far.
I don't really give a fuck about Sims Die or anymore.
Wait, that means I can't go back anymore. Let's go back.
You gotta go out of here first.
Just got back. What did I miss?
I mean, honestly, I'm not even just saying this to be an asshole.
The answer is like, maybe not much.
Now Thomas, Thomas I can get into.
This is Thomas Cardam.
48 hours from flight crew wake up.
Something's wrong with Sims.
I don't know.
She attacked me.
What kind?
She's trying to kill me.
We were repairing an impact to the hull.
We separated to repair different areas of the ship, but then...
That's not supposed to happen.
She's like a screen.
This company has a strict policy against murder.
We found Carter's U-strap.
You need to see this.
Understood. Let's review when you're back.
Here, here's a link to my calendar. Pick a time where it would be convenient to discuss this matter.
We've been hanging out with the other two. Yeah, you're right.
Alright, but before we do that, let me...
Let me explore.
I can't see this kind of aluminum foil without getting hungry for a baked potato. I'm sorry.
Just call me Mack from House 1977.
If I ever go missing, just check the nearest potato field, man.
Relax, I'll handle it.
Call me Kung Fu?
I mean, if you can pass the aura check, you can be Kung Fu.
Don't talk to me about sleep though, I'm not getting killed by a damn pillow.
Asli, we're in crew quarters.
No sign of her yet.
Keep looking.
This way.
It has the vibe of like when you're trying to round up your cat to take him to the vet.
Shouldn't be this hard for four highly accomplished professionals to track down one alien that
doesn't even know, like how would they even have a concept of how to navigate a ship like
Oh shoot, when you accidentally leave a sandwich in your locker over Christmas break?
I
Cannot going there it goes against every scientific protocol. I know yes that was alien right
Open it back up at the very least we need to grab a sample. I saw enough
It's definitely organic possibly hazardous. Maybe even infectious OPP section for paragraph 13
You're down with OPP extra terrestrial substance
That's not your decision to make. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and this is my ship.
And I'm the science officer on this ship. We can't risk it spreading.
We need to lock this area down and take the time to set up proper safety measures.
We don't have time. Just grab a mask and get in there.
This is a science expedition, isn't it?
I'm gonna say no. I'm gonna say we can't risk contamination.
This is right. We can't risk contamination.
That seems, that seems insane.
Yes, your choice is mad, too.
What?
I'm fine, Anders.
I'm fine, Anders.
I'm fine, Anders.
I'm fine, Anders.
I'm fine, Anders.
I'm fine, Anders.
what I'm fine Anders hand it over I got this yeah yeah and then she's gonna hit
the CEO with the glue gun I want that on record
wet squelching huh
No, man
Yeah, that's like a that's a heart man
obviously some kind of channel for carrying something you know just pop
this shit in the microwave see what happens
W gameplay? Yeah, W gameplay. Hold W.
We should get this straight to the lab wait. I'm coming with you. It's not safe to be alone
You should just let her go alone
That's true, that's a good point
No, I left my phone in there
Taking to the stars as if we're the only ones among them among them the universe doesn't share our hubris
It doesn't care about our odds
or our ends
He was scared. I feel bad for him.
The Sam. He Sam.
Not even halfway through? Well, like, again, not to be...
Not to sour the experience, but nothing has happened.
Like, for a game that started with an alien counter and a spaceship crashing on an alien planet,
we're just walking through hallways, man.
At least we're not running on empty.
Yet.
Oxygen levels dropping.
Oxygen recovery and stabilization required.
Great.
I'll let that to my list along with getting to the scanner and trying not to die!
Well you asked.
From the robot, but you- you asked.
Uh, I don't actually need the oxygen.
You need the oxygen?
What the fuck?
I think he's chill- he's just meditating. You know how CEO's is and all that.
Ah, never mind.
Opox.
That's why you're on the road.
Interesting.
Check it out.
His camera fainted with his whole area.
One of us could guide the other through.
And it was lost.
I'll go.
You guide me.
You sure?
to make the past a will, you're missed. Oh, shit.
fellas right there though.
that's the wrong way. Getting there is in the tights.
surely she's talking about this door.
I have gotten into the vent.
I feel so much like Mr. Anderson getting guided by Morpheus through my office right now.
Okay, now.
Quick, hide behind that desk you just passed.
What?
The alien gets distracted.
The other part about being an alien is it completely takes away your situational awareness.
We know, man!
and stealth gameplay of all time.
Yes!
This bump count four.
It's interesting to me, what happens if you fuck up a QTE in the present time with characters
that you've already kept alive in the future?
I wonder if it means that we're completely safe or they would just not deal with it or
they would be like, that person turned into you an alien.
So they were actually unimpostered when you were controlling them from back then.
We remember their service with a pizza party from 12 to 1215 in the break room.
tau said yes damages significant
worsened by the mountain we clipped on the way down
yeah yeah my bad
I'm assuming we ground it
correct you assume correctly
if you have enough fuel there's no way we're getting back in the air
our only option now is to hold out until the Andromeda arrives
how much air do we have
life support can keep us breathing
But the crash has damaged our FTL antenna. We have no way to contact the
Andromeda or Earth. Can we repair it? Yes. But it'll take time. A lady is speaking.
The ship is in a bad state. Security alert.
You can say Ohio. You can say Ohio anytime someone says we're in a bad state.
So are we gonna talk about the growth?
I want to do more than talk about it. I want to rinse that sample. Yes, everything. You said let's inject this shit
Let's fucking I'm concerned. This is an entire who's lowest on the totem pole
Let's fucking inject them given the extent it's grown
It must have come on board with that meteorite
Let's smoke this shit. Yeah
Meteorite hits growth appears Sims goes mad doesn't take a genius to connect the dots
correlation is not causation I've taken stance 101 correlation does not equal
causation we've got a gun on this ship right if she's out there whacking people
oh shit I agree though they're whacking people this is the only weapon on this
ship for exactly this eventuality for exactly this eventuality of the Corinth
captain's charter I authorized the use of this weapon for the protection of the
crew and the mission the Oracle can't locate her seems like she's gone to
ground and she turned off her damn body she's a maintenance layers it won't be
easy to find her. It's a maze down there. It's a maze, but one I designed. Okay, jigsaw.
If we well shut the breach seals here, here, and here, we can be sure they're locked into this
sector. Then it's just a case of sweeping the tunnels and locking down the bulkhead sequentially.
That sounds like something you could do off screen and not have me manually do I'm praying.
There's a secondary access tunnel we can use it to get into the reactor funnel without being detected
So we need to close the seals on all those maintenance tons
that holder
Yes, take these shields off and say it again not only slow her down
It will also flag her on the system
One of us needs to get in there to track and detain her
Why is he standing like that, man?
Did you see his posture?
I don't know how to rewind to just see that, but like, he was not looking right, man.
it okay dr. Cooper can go with you what thought oh very well fine Sims repair the antenna re-establish
contact with the andromeda who is standing different man we'll make it home too how shall
I proceed with the substance find out what it is and where it came from yes or how could it how
on earth am i supposed to do that you have 30 minutes to diagnose the source of this alien life
We can salvage the mission. We just need to trust each other. Just like Stafford trusted us.
You ain't Stafford.
You have our full support, Commander.
You have our full support, Commander.
We should get prepped. Dismissed.
One of us got to go in there, huh?
Into the goo tunnel with the fingers.
Okay, he's trying to text.
You see he's he's jones him for his phone
Okay, I set up the private channel go ahead and switch frequencies switching now
You hear me I'm right next to you just so okay, all right understand you doing all right
Just feels too much hotter without stuff it
He's walking like the Arthur meme.
That's like 3 bison with a foot launch.
Okay, we should be able to override the shutters, we should be able to override, there you go.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
There it is.
You don't want to discharge that in here.
I know how to handle a gun.
Carl gave you weapons training.
Who'd they say?
But I used to hang out at the Ranger lot.
One might say that I was at home
At home on the range where the deer's in the antelope play follow the white rabbit
Listen, I make the matrix references around here, okay
Cooper will seal the bulkheads behind you as you move whoever's down there will be forced into a dead end
not the doovicky
I see red shunt in 13
ok you will go down there
ok we got
what are we going to do when we find her?
that depends
on what?
Operates
You're seeing Carter's body
Subsection four clear
Sealing the bulkhead
It's it's so crazy, man. It's so crazy
me
what's the tune of the vehicle company you say a best when you say nothing at all
I'm not Shutter 2. Opening Shutter 2.
Okay. Subsection 6 clear.
Sealed now.
I like who ass though.
Lowering audio because I hate jump scares?
It's just gonna be a cat or something.
We're gonna it's gonna run across the screen. You're gonna be like, oh my god, and it's gonna go
Yeah, and then it's gonna be like
Yeah, exactly Jonesy but then when you pick up the cat you're gonna see like an alien femur just for like two frames
slip behind the door and
Then like a Brazilian dad is gonna go vomit those children and you're gonna be you're gonna be thinking about it for like 20 years
When did science come out? August 2002? You're gonna be thinking about over 24 years.
I found Sims! Stop resisting!
She's dead.
How can you be sure?
She's dead.
She's been dead for ages.
But that's impossible.
And she's- I'm not sure she was ever alive.
No, I'm searching for it's not Sims.
If it's not her, then we don't know what we're up against.
Get back here.
Put her in her pod.
No, Cooper.
Are you two okay?
Well, her stomach is trapped.
I'm moving on.
Don't, don't do it! Don't come back!
Oh, okay.
We used to crawl through alien goo for pleasure back in the Marines.
I could really use a fist bump right now.
What the fuck?
What the fuck did you fucking ate me?
I'm going as fast as I can, okay?
I don't even know what we were doing to be honest I was just left clicking on shit down
Locked down only way out was through that vent only place they could be
Isley can you see us on camera? I can see movement in there
Hey, we Joel on
Little help
I'm coming down I take your time
When you leave your leftovers in the fridge for four days instead of three.
yogurt today two days after you open the container
young you there if you can hear me you need to expand the fridge I'll look for
another way around
I'll be extending the bridge.
Even though it's 36 meters away from me, ain't got no power, bro, I can already tell it ain't
I got no power!
Oh shit, not that though.
And we'll be going this way, I will be moving behind the alien today, who will then be moving
over here. And then I will be moving this way. Just indicating to the game logic, I've
knitted through the puzzle and have demonstrated enough competency to get to the next section.
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.
Motherfucker, man.
Huge loss of progress.
I'm backing up, backing up, backing up, backing up.
Why does the alien wear a hood?
I think it's so you know that you're not the alien.
Because you might think like, damn, maybe I became the alien at some point, but then
you just say, oh wait, I don't have a hoodie on.
I got nothing to worry about
But we've got one of these two
I'm so scared of the damn alien
I'm a little bit blind.
Honestly, it's a huge debuff to be an alien.
They were way more competent as a human being.
Power to bridge control y'all.
You go in through that door, I'll pop out through this one, and then we're out.
Oh, and we're, I mean the frames, the frames are taken a little hit, but that's to be expected,
in an environment with a lot of different parts like this.
She's still being chased by the same girl?
Yeah, that's Sims, man.
Sims still got some problems.
She's a very formidable opponent.
Oh, shit.
Also she teleports.
She's looking like Jake Paul in that last fight.
I didn't see.
I was looking for approval from Chad.
I forgot there's gameplay in this game. Locking in?
Obviously that's not gonna work. I'm not a door, bro. I'm not a door.
Yeah, take the shot.
We did it, y'all.
Yeah, that's what's draining the cycle.
Are you really gonna need to see this?
Mmm, holy freaking shirt balls, the aliens are taking over the reactor.
When things get ugly, it all comes down to survival of the fittest.
But when you're stripped down to your bones, can you bear to see what you're really made of?
What?
That was Dragnaio episode 4.
That was it.
Some stuff happened.
We called through some vents and welded some shit shut that then they were like, it can't
escape and then it escaped and then we shot him in the shoulder didn't see the
body and it went over the edge so we know that they're dead and we're probably
safe now.
Okay, a shooter identified.
I mean, the alien could jog.
I went the wrong way, y'all.
If the alien had cardio, we'd be in a lot of trouble.
I don't want to go off on a rant, not the Dennis Miller post.
The reason that like this kind of impersonation stuff works in like the thing is because the
alien pretends to be like a crew member.
It doesn't just go around like threatening to kill people.
Like after all the marketing that I was looking at it was like you might not know that a crew
member has been replaced with an alien throughout the game.
What do you fucking know bro as they start chasing you down and trying to fucking kill
you?
They don't they don't talk like us, man
Unless they do a thing later where they're like, oh and also some of the people you were talking to were also imposters
These were just the the first imposters just weren't very good at it
But they they rapidly adapted to our new environment or some shit like that
Or maybe they're the humans and I'm the alien
So they're like, we're trying to kill you because you're an alien.
And I'm like, stop trying to kill me, you're the alien, you know what I'm talking about?
John Freeman, headcrab zombie type shit.
Wasn't Sigourney the alien?
In the fourth one, kinda.
So it's hard to...
It's like an analogy for motherhood, kind of,
but also, like, that's an analogy for alien.
Activate switches 0-3.
Nothing gets a gamer excited, like she activates switches 0 of 3.
There's the fellow.
Obviously, I won't just be walking into this corner vision.
Instead wait two seconds for him to walk away and then activating the switch with...
That is move the mouse up for those of you who are curious.
the damn door, man. What the fuck? He could have just fucking killed me, bro. He could
have killed my ass dad. I think he's lying. You're right. It's the worst part about the
Aliens as well. Hypocrisy.
Ah, you can't be doing all that.
That's a distraction. Okay, I understand.
Oh shit, he can run!
Whoa!
Distract him, bro!
I
Got surprised by surprise. Oh what the fuck
You showing me the pack
So we literally run this now by the way
Fuck it, I'm doing it.
This person can't die.
Oh yeah, we'll get the fuck out of there.
Apparently you have to, if anything.
This is the only competent crew member.
Damn, he's fucking assuming that.
The door closed the door!
Close the door!
Motherfucker! Open the door!
Here he comes! Well, obviously when I'm going to be closing the door, he'll open that door!
And then we'll catch him on the next move
Then we'll go down and we'll catch him off this one
Okay, he's still on us guess what buddy
Best of luck to you, motherfuckers.
I think we got time.
We obviously do not have time.
We clearly do not have time.
Oh no!
I hit the wrong button or something.
I got killed y'all.
Yeah, I hit S instead of D.
I hit S instead of D on that one.
You know it wasn't your fault, right?
I know.
Should have been me going down there.
She's safe.
Don't trust her, bro.
Do not fucking trust her.
These are the images Kopa captured.
It's the meteorite.
Launched in the reactor.
Are you sure whoever attacked you is dead?
Positive.
They fell into the reactor array.
This was Sims, right?
I told you.
There's someone else down there.
How many fucking murderers can there be on one ship?
There could have been a blind spot in the ship's design that allowed Stowaway to get in and
hide.
Come on now, man.
As you know, I couldn't get the security arrangements I wanted for pre-launch.
So you're saying that the oceans of money I drew at you still weren't enough to solve your security problems
I'd have thought that money aside the crew would notice
extra person on board
Sir we were all asleep for four years sir. It's dealt with whoever it was they're dead
That meteorite is organic a living substance
force it must have spread through the vents to Carter and seems quarters a
living substance fascinating so how much do we know about the substance well
as I mentioned it's organic and it's extraterrestrial rapidly replicating
there's no need to repeat yourself I've quarantined the deck and sealed the
air vents there is no way that thing is spreading further that being said we did
Let's all breathe in, Bob. 15 lungfuls of it earlier.
with I should think about carrying out repairs to the transmitter go ahead Mitchell continue
the damage assessment from up here Anders you need to analyze that sample I'll help
let's get that transmitter up and running she really likes to help Anders have you noticed
What's this?
Relax, I'll handle it.
Three hours later...
no rest for the wicked good what do you want him to do bro guess we're doing this
by us this maximizing shareholder value right
sounds like early-gen AI voice acting I'm pretty sure he's just from like
Belgium or something man oh shit
Wait, the alien is scooping man.
The real guy is here and the alien is learning how to play basketball.
Unbelievable. I've never seen anything like this before.
Do you run a person in those days?
Yeah, no kidding.
The scanner can't identify it.
I wonder why, man.
It's organic. But I'm like any organism we've ever seen.
Its cellular structure is changing almost constantly.
It's highly efficient, appearing to absorb matter in its immediate proximity and duplicate it.
You think the Petri dish is gonna hold it?
It's copying whatever it touches.
to what end? I don't know but it's growing. Left unchecked it could overwhelm the whole
ship in a matter of days. Oh cool. Love that for us. Cooper, give me a hand when you have
a minute. Sure thing. As soon as the ladies are out of the room you know that dude's huffing
the alien you who just put them out of fat fucking line
could you grab me a sedative from the chem cabinet a sedative I've got a
little experiment I want to conduct but just grab the drugs and I'll explain
I've heard that one before.
Just do it?
From the Kim Cabinet?
You have some drugs from the Kim Cabinet?
Something like alprazolam or diazepam.
I have to synthesize my own diazepam?
seems a little like a lot of rigmarole well let me take a peek here for a
second NH3 that's some kind of like ammonia or something what do we got
here hydrogen well there you go ammonia give me some of this juice
Sleep juice, where are you?
What the fuck is going on, man?
And then we got...
Oh, I have no idea what that shit is.
I guess, I mean, let me go check this.
Because here's the thing, I see that it has sulfuric acid.
I'm feeling like if you synthesize this improperly
and then you inject this dude with sulfuric acid,
He's basically just going to melt, which could be funny,
but I also feel like we should at least make an honest effort.
So we really need some dimethyl sulfate.
And you do not need sulfuric acid.
You need some dimethyl sulfate.
I got to take a closer look to see if we need chloroacetyl chloride.
It's a Cl-dash-double bond O2Cl.
Yeah, we got it y'all.
We got it.
Sorry.
degree in biology. I got like a 53% in orgo in second year so yeah no one's
gonna be melting into a pile of goo on my watch okay. I'd like to grab some
ammonia please. I don't know why you're asking me.
Enter the three numbers of the all of the three numbers of the chemicals. Okay, so we're gonna start with the
Chloroacetyl whatever and then ammonia and then the third one that I can't even remember anymore
Diamethyl sulfate, okay
We want to start with number one
Enter. Number six. And then cancel that for now. Number one. Number six. And then number
eight. Number one. Number six. And number eight. One six seven. Wait, is it a joke maybe? No.
168 you're good to go that and can we I can I give mine extra hot no room
She'd better have a good reason for this
Creepy isn't it I think it's beautiful
How are you feeling, buddy?
What do you mean?
You lost a lot of blood.
You had a seizure during wake-up.
The injection we gave you mained you side effects.
Memory loss, nosebleeds.
Finally, temperament.
Apologies, I was momentarily confused.
I guess memory loss explains that.
just take it easy and report in if you have any concerns I still think he's
the human and the alien is down there learning out of hoop and he's at the end
credit scene is gonna be like the ship has crash landed back on earth and like
he gets out and it's like oh shit where'd he fucking crash boom Madison
Square Garden. And it's like Madison Square Garden, the oldest arena in North America.
Is there looming in the horizon, and then it's like a shot from his back, and he walks
into the front doors. And you, as soon as he walks in, you hear like the crowd noise,
Implying that he's walking into greatness, to glory, yeah then he looks back and he goes
Yeah, we got our own diazepam on tap here.
We got a coffee porter, we got a double IPA, a triple IPA, we got an IPA made with a combination
of mosaic and citra hops, we got the diazepam on tap.
We have a non-alcoholic gin and tonic.
results back to earth right which would require a functioning ship i'm not talking about the crash
please clue me into what you're talking about he's not stupid if anyone can see the dollar signs
in this it's williams he's up to something keeper i know our boss look i'm new to this crew but
williams trusts you i don't buy it if he knows anything if he's putting our lives at risk we
We need to do something about it.
What do you know that I don't?
I may have kind of accidentally, on purpose,
Come on now.
had a sneaky peek into his drop drive?
That's impossible.
His drive is security locking.
Yeah, oh, 13674.
Oh, you didn't!
Wouldn't be much of a science officer
if I didn't know a few cheeky little command ogre rides.
You sly old fox, you sly old fox. Never change. Why would I? I'm already perfect.
That's what I love about it. It's all McGroober coded.
Williams has his own file stacked inside the oracle, heavily encrypted. He's been updating
it since he woke up. Talking to her through a line that's hidden from everyone, including
Stafford and Isley. I mean
He's the boss
He can do he can turn into a jet. He can fly into the Sun
Only command can access the Oracle like that
He's hiding something. I know it and he's putting us all in danger
Don't tell Isley bro. She sucks. Okay, then
What do you propose we do? I need to have a deeper look at that drive
But it'll take time.
I can't have William sauntering into his office when I'm up to my nuts in his dirty laundry.
Oh no. No. I don't like where this is heading.
Remember that time in Fort Wayne, when those frappling knuckle walkers wouldn't take the hint?
That was a lifetime ago. And that was a couple of laxatives and a keg. This is a whole different ball game.
Come on, Coop. We're not those people anymore.
Exactly! You're a whole-ass doctor now. Just hit him with something to send him to sleep for a few hours.
He was just sleeping for four years!
Just say it was a side effect of the shot we gave him earlier.
Fuck it! Okay, I'll do it. I'll send him to sleep. To shut you up if nothing else.
Cooper, I fucking love you.
Unfortunately, I love you too.
It seemed like the most authentic line of dialogue for an Australian character ever.
Koopa?
I fucking love you, mate.
A stepdad, Jeff, grew up in Fort Wayne.
This is for Jeff.
My name is Jeff.
His name is Jeff.
And your stepdad's name is Jeff.
His name is Jaff.
Regroup with Anders.
Seven feet away from there.
You just had that conversation.
Are you good to go?
Yes.
Take a look at our little bundle of joy.
Here, I'm going to run a small charge
through one of the samples.
Watch the other one.
Damn, you're going to make it mad.
It reacts to the charge wherever I place it.
One sample affects the other at exactly the same time.
You're hurting him!
It seems to stun it briefly, but it won't kill it.
So the cells are entangled somehow?
Yes.
This proves the whole thing is connected.
One organism.
The growth of almost every organism is stunted by cold.
If we could freeze the substance, maybe we could stop it expanding.
You know, we've got plenty of oxygen in the fuel oxidizer tanks.
The stuff we breathe?
We turn a liquid oxygen from the fuel cells into the spectrometer.
Well, potentially, not without risks.
Cernan, we've got a job for you.
Cernan, are you reading me?
The correct parlance is, do you read?
He's still running his damage assessment, Isley. Can I help?
Get to field junction 4. We're going to try something.
He's walking like... so menacingly. Every time you get a look from this guy, it's...
Are there any further instructions?
Until communication is restored.
Don't make me do it. Don't make me do it.
Please follow your personnel reports for this cycle and continue monitoring.
monitoring very well prepare the compound for planetary launch of course
mr. Williams Anders I was hoping for some privacy sorry mr. Williams I just
thought well you wouldn't be the boss unless you have someone to bring you
coffee, right? I could do with a big meal. Where's yours? Oh, I already had some. Sleepy
time t special blend made it myself mmm it's decaf yeah when he died that
what he wakes up it should be like what was in that coffee oh yeah it was decaf
get Williams you'll want to see this is the night will not take prime the
to be pumped into medical, just needs Mitchell to start the pumping process.
Pressure at 7%.
Okay, you little freak. Let's see how you like this.
Take it slow.
She's sick.
We blow the line. We could trigger an explosion.
Yeah. Thanks for that, Paisley.
I think it's working. The growth is decaying.
Coming up to 12%. Shall I push it higher?
Hey! Who's there?
There must be some Toros in the atmosphere.
She said that I'll be in the basement.
I'm locked in here.
The spectra with this rock shitting is going to be in the basement.
I'm locked in here. The spectra with this rock shitting is licking liquid oxygen.
Get me out.
It's fucking burning in here.
Get me out or I'm gonna fucking freeze!
Young, the fuel line is caught fire in the junction room. Mitchell is trapped.
I've got her on camera. It looks like the door has been compromised.
Young, you have to get her out of there.
Come on my way.
Background.
Williams!
Williams is dead! Get out of there!
He's walking like a Metal Gear Solid 5 enemy.
I think it must be an alien his hair is rich enough.
I'm going to show you the Anders, because I feel like you should just be able to get
out of there also we've had them say like four lines in the entire game so far
you just walk out through the door man
It's Williams!
She's still down there!
Williams!
What are you doing?
Get out of there, man!
What are you doing?
Are they stupid?
Are they?
Are they stupid?
Are you kidding me?
They know what's happening, man.
They're like, whoa, it's Williams!
Williams is standing in the flames and not talking.
They know what's happening, man. They're like, whoa, it's Williams.
Williams is standing in the flames and not talking.
What the fuck's that? Williams, get out of there, man.
Someone's gotta go rescue Williams. You're fucking off fire, man.
Williams, you're burning the death row.
Williams, you're the human torch.
Oh shit, maybe he wants to re-live him.
Oh shit.
Alright, the sprinklers.
One second here.
We nailed this.
A Minnesotian rescue is a Californian from 55 degrees Fahrenheit weather.
I have never been so happy to be a raigun!
Good for him.
He made no effort to survive.
He was running back and forth on that platform for a minute.
Yeti, that's pretty true.
Crazy there's so much talk of sperm count when you only need one.
When you're saying there's a chance
Lloyd Christmas coded
I didn't see that message yet. He yet. He's in the private chat. We're just
Yeah, they're typing I can see them type why I can't see the type I can see them when they send a message
did he really lock me in there I don't know but he was the only one down there
it's kind of on there in school suspension stuff what the fuck did we
give him his office was trashed we were meant to knock him out not drive him
crazy oh shit sorry I give him to Alice we you're putting in that sentence this
whole thing was your idea I copied his drop drive it'll take me a while to
decrypt the files but when I do we'll know what he was up to. God damn it! You'd better be right.
Wait no he's chill, he's just playing basketball. As for the growth, it seems to be quarantined.
At least I hope it is. I'm headed over to Bridges. Are you there? You must be tired.
Can't sleep when there's work to do. Same. Nice to know I'm not...
Yeah, she's already, she's already dead.
I killed her.
What?
Hello?
Is anyone here?
Where is everyone?
I'm arrested.
Oh shit.
Surprise party maybe?
Oh shit surprise party maybe
Could be like a birthday party type situation
They remembered
You know, when you're halfway through the thing and then one of the people in McMurdo
Station goes, and it's my birthday.
Worst birthday ever, guys.
Am I right?
Everyone else got happy birthday.
Happy birthday, McCready.
Happy birthday, Childs.
Happy birthday the thing, happy birthday, whoever, whatever Wilfred Brimley's name is.
Oh shit.
What the fuck.
Let me in, bro.
What's happening?
Well, what have you done to me?
It was decaf.
Mr. Williams?
How did you get here?
Wh-what are you talking about?
What's the last thing you remember?
I...
I-I don't know, uh...
We saw you die.
Is this real?
Of course it's real! I'm right in front of you!
How long has he been here?
Banners.
Will someone please tell me what's going on?
I want you to run every biometric on Williams that you can.
What the hell?
Why can't any of you give me a straight answer?
Nah, he's legit.
What the fuck is happening?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
He's horny.
Are we comfortable with him being able to move around freely?
Whoa, what the fuck?
He can't take any chances with him.
Detain him in the secure storage area, in Geoscience.
You can't just lock me away!
You need to come with us, Williams.
And, come with them, he did.
just stay here while we run some tests what exactly do you expect your
damage oh very badly burnt you've lost your mind let me out of here I'm sorry
Williams this has to be done let me out of here he is charred up
I sleep get me out of here that's an order you're not authorized to give me
orders mr. Williams it's Williams I thought we were past that now and I am
I'm not dead. I would know if I was dead, wouldn't I?
How long is this going to take?
It's about...
What's going on?
Warning.
Tanichahydrocony systems identified.
No! My fucking crops!
My grow-up!
What is it?
They require strict temperature and humidity controls to achieve maximum THC concentration!
Oh my god.
The aliens are gonna smoke all my weed, bro!
Oh shit!
They've cut the monitoring systems.
I kinda don't understand why aliens are such assholes, either.
They're almost, again, not to pause and extend the game longer than it's strictly necessary.
At some point, I would love a conversation that's like, and also, why are they killing us?
Like if they were, because like set the groundwork for like, if the alien goo takes over the engine,
then maybe they can fly back to Earth and infect the whole planet or something like that.
But to just be like, like they just take it as self-evident that like of course the aliens are stalking us like serial killers and trying to murder us like I I don't understand man.
Learn to sit back and observe. Not everything needs a reaction.
So let's get them working again every minute counts. I'll do it
I'll join her. I'll need someone to back me up
I'm gonna suggest you take Cernan because uh
At some point take Cernan you become an alien. He's our best shot at fixing them. I'm on it
Wait, you'll be more used with this than I am.
Cernan?
It's me and you, babe.
Like you sure you're up to it?
Yes.
In the Marines, we used to-
I need to do this.
We used to fix the FTL antenna for fun.
Taking risks is part of the job.
Simple math, until you have to live with the consequences, and there are some consequences
that no amount of calculation can reconcile.
William.
R-William.
It says Mr. Williams, just so you know.
What did she mean by this?
Just be a really poetic!
Astronaut beware, you're in for a scare.
Despite the weather, we are already back on target for launch Friday.
I cannot stress how much the crew is excited for this to be happening.
And for all these years of preparation, we are in a place that is...
Look, I know there's a lot to consider.
It won't be the same mission without you.
There's a lot about this mission that doesn't seem the same.
What would Carter do? Carter will be there. You love Carter.
We need you, me and the crew.
You love Carter, he's so good at soccer.
Well-spoken.
Stefan, I don't wanna let you or the crew down.
But what they're asking of, what they're asking us to do.
I know you made a promise to my dad,
but the way I see it,
You've already fulfilled that.
I promised I'd look after you.
That's not something that ends.
You've looked after me already.
By ensuring me how to make my own decisions.
You can start by looking after the check.
All I'm asking is that you let me do that now.
You want to choose for yourself, I get that.
This situation were any different any less urgent
Kid I never asked you to make a call. I didn't think it was the right one if it's not too much to ask
We go like four million light years away from Earth me
Be the leaders about
Knowing when to trust and when to make that call
Well knowing when to keep your seatbelt on when to take it off a young
You're gonna see that for yourself
So, two forks.
Oh my god.
Is it the sound Booth trying not to wake up mom and dad?
Oh.
You might find yourself young.
What a beautiful house.
She's when the substitute comes back from their bathroom break.
Nah, man, I don't really want to go in there.
Yeah, I don't really care about all that to be honest with you.
It's kind of trying to find a power, oh no, no mother fucker man.
When you see the fucked up door puzzles and then also you can travel through the, oh I
can't travel through the window, never mind.
Maybe we'll be spared.
Should not have like normal doors.
We like to use the vents sometimes.
We do things a little differently here.
These parts we do things a little differently.
Same room, bro.
Why don't you just tell us where the power cell is?
It's like, sincerely, like a story about a ship
that just could not get the doors figured out.
Just came back, what did I miss?
You're not gonna believe this.
Are you sitting down?
need to find a power cell to get into this door.
Now we came back and he's like, oh, I was looking too.
I was looking over here.
OK, man.
Warning, oxygen saturation level is compromised.
Oxygen must remain above 70% to avoid adverse reactions
and fatalities.
Yeah, I'm aware.
We need that ship for the last couple of steps of ATP
synthesis or whatever.
why it swings bro German guys a little sussie reminds me of the Android from
Prometheus yeah but which one
you talking about David or you talking about the other one because the other
one was legit right the other way which the one that was the one that was blowing
was legit. The one that was doing the fingering was a little suss.
Hey, what the fuck? When you see yourself on the security cam, is that how I always
Do I really walk like that?
Awesome, man.
You're confusing the androids? No I'm not bro, David was sus.
The other one was chill.
Aw man, she needs to learn how to delegate.
They're both pretty sus?
The other one was sus, but then it's revealed that you're only sus him because every android
in Alien has necessarily betrayed the protagonist, except for Bishop in Aliens.
But then you realize that actually they fixed the virus with the original David and the
new android is legit.
The only problem is not quite as physically strong, not quite as good as swallowing alien
embryos and then regurgitating them after they put the new short-haired protagonist
into cryosleep.
Gotta get the power cell, y'all.
And Danny McBride.
I can't remember, I think, you're right, Danny McBride didn't make it to the award because they needed two.
They needed two hosts, now that I think about it.
Because I'm not, I think I need to jump over that, that crevice over there.
Covenant age so well?
My most like 25 year old take of all time was that like Prometheus sucks.
It does suck but it sucks in an awesome way.
Alien Covenant sucks exactly the same way.
Getting older and wiser was finally learning that these movies that I keep claiming that
are bad but I keep watching every time I see them on TV can't possibly be bad or I wouldn't
be watching them. Unfortunately, most of the time Ridley Scott has the sauce. Now
could they have been better? Yeah, yeah, they both could have been a lot better.
I don't think anyone would dispute that.
the nickel back theory just one problem I ain't listen nickel back because they're
not very good
maybe over the half wall no there's your problem I don't know what to tell you
man I am from Fort McMurray
I need to get the crane control, bro.
How's Yeti holding up?
Why don't you ask them yourself?
Do you know about Ford McMurray?
Oh bro, I'm familiar with Canada's oil and gas industry. Also, I've seen Foo Bar too like 25 times
The Mac is a harsh mistress
Yet he's there yet he said help me help me
Yeah, don't worry yet. Yeah, I saw I saw your message
They're talking I don't know what to tell you they're talking
Supply needed, generally supplies.
Alright.
That thing really works on this.
Why did your face look like that?
I'm just, I'm just tired of the gameplay just being like,
press a button on something, all the button doesn't work.
Like now go find this shit that makes the button work.
Like it's, it's kind of insane.
Not to mention I know they're gonna make me do that shit while we play fucking hide and seek in a minute
You can't make the jump
was the other one I guess the other one's one tile this is two tiles I don't give a
fucking parkour civilization I'd be general for the beef
I'm not going for the weed because even if you get the weed you're still in parkour
prison right? As I understand it at least.
It's not wheat, it's bread, whatever. I've never seen it. I've learned about it
second hand for my daughter.
Help!
HELP ME!
Oh, this fucker.
Firmly powering crane platform and clamps.
Okay.
Alright. Apparently that's not what we want to power up.
And that's the way to play. Oh, yeah, no, that's it right there. Okay.
Crane up. Okay, you know what we need to do? Maybe get the console and the clamps going at the same time.
I don't think we can do that.
that clamp detachment required. Yeah, so me personally, I might do something like power
up, I guess like clamps. Then if you power the clamps, you can't do the console. So I
I guess I'll be the type of beast who might just start by powering up the door.
And I guess we'll see what happens after that.
Have you ever been in this room full of baked potatoes before? I don't think so.
On a scale from entertaining bad to boring, bad, where does this game fall?
I mean, I'm going to keep it about $50 with you, which is really funny because people keep asking if this is sponsored.
And I'm like listen listen to the tone of what I'm saying. This is not sponsored
And also I'm a supermassive like diehard. I played them all I think this might be the worst
like the one that I previously thought is the worst was
Little hope the problems I had with little hope were that like the plot made no sense
That is a very minor concern based on what I'm complaining about so far in this one
which is just that you just walk.
Like the best part of the game,
cut scenes, dialogue choices, et cetera, et cetera.
The second best part is like holding W through tunnels,
while something chases you.
Then this is the worst part,
which is when they're like,
please restore power to the doors.
Like I just do not give a fuck about like restoring power
to the doors of the ship
so I can do the rest of the story, man.
And I'm like,
like, why are you making it so hard
to get to the reason that you play the game,
which is to get to the decision-making process
and the cutscenes?
But now we're out here in outer space,
the spaceship crash,
instead of like being on an alien planet
or something like that.
Now we're like, oh, I gotta find a power cell
to get a, so I could power up the crane console
end the crane at the same time. I guess I could have read this.
Then a power up the clamps and then hack it, power up the clumps, Hercules, Hercules,
remember that?
Hercules, wait, damn, I never thought about it like that.
Okay.
saying power power up the crane pack the console oh shit do you have to use
telepathy listen because should I have noticed that earlier sure so really any
reason for it like is there any
I should be able to move this into the gap.
I should be able to move this into the gap, man.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
I know what you want me to do.
You want me to power up the console and then by pressing the E button on this, we'll make
that gap not a gap anymore.
And then we can make it, of course.
Am I stupid?
Is that where I want?
Something has where I want you, man.
Drop it on yourself.
Not a bad idea.
That's the wrong walkway.
You're saying instead of holding D, I gotta hold A on this piece.
Oh, well, we got problems then.
Because I know you're gonna say it says W, A, S, D.
Only the D and the A key work, just so you know.
Oh, oh, you get to the A.O.I.C. we're on the map. Okay, that makes a lot more sense.
You're gonna scrape it along the wall here.
And then rotate it to 80 degrees and moonwalk away.
I don't know about all that, man.
We out here play in American Gladiators.
You- she could have just jumped it, is the other thing.
That's a five-foot jump.
Ah!
Or yet, like, mantled or something?
I-
Oh, man, if you didn't marry me.
Yippee!
Like that she knows how, she doesn't even like bend her knees man.
relax, I'll handle it.
A minute ago, they were like, don't breathe this.
A single spore could eliminate the entire human species.
That was before they threatened our stash.
Yes! Story! Yes! Still possibly some QTEs in a story!
Holy fucking Christ!
This has got to be why this cover isn't damaged.
Yeah.
Brothers, this shit is all over Hydroponics.
Hey, that shit that you said replicates faster than any matter we've ever seen? Yeah.
It's made it to the Hydroponics lab already.
Who's there?
Identify yourself.
When it's you?
What the f- but we don't know which one's the real one.
Well, time is money.
Get behind me.
She crouched?
ITV!
IT'S BROKEN!
I'm locking him.
It's broken!
I'm locking him.
Well, he's definitely dead.
They put him inside of like a slot machine or something and then pulled the handle.
How are we gonna know?
How are we gonna know which one's which, man?
I think his clone is cooler!
I think we should let the clones take over, man.
They can probably engineer a way out of this situation.
okay coupe I like turning to he's like the coolest one on the ship I'm saying
much
I'm going to start on the finish line.
So, move.
And don't look behind you and it can't hurt you.
What the fuck huh?
Was it the 18's bullet oh shit.
And the fuckers teleport.
Don't even follow the logic of the game.
I can't even vault!
Got some shit too.
Go for it, man.
I'm dying. Why does he give a fuck?
There we go, man.
He fucking became part of the ground.
Motherfucker!
Hardly seems fair He's going to the TP spot
They're literally nature's profit man, it's so crazy.
That is how it feels holding along with the offer.
YouTube will demonetize based on the thumbnail the old violence you can't put
someone's exploded head in the thumbnail okay buddy what was that
I thought this was a free country
Can I say something?
This is how a lot of people be acted these days.
of people online especially lost their damn minds. They're literally putting him in med
bay to scan him. Apollo, are you here? Yeah, we've covered that by committee like 20 times.
hell are you talking about it's true we can't trust him because it's not him he
has been acting like a fucking loony tune he's trying to get us waxed out of
here let us know this isn't true you're kidding right it's me mission statement
core values synergy okay but it's literally him none of the
other aliens have even talked they're not they don't do a convincing job of
imitating the crew of course I'm not gonna shoot him I stand down
He's not thinking straight right now.
You don't have to release him.
This question is human being. There's bad people too.
Who is fucking one of you guys?
calm down yes it was me I was concerned about your loyalty to this mission oh my
god you try to kill me no I sedated you and it might well have saved your life
you're out of control she has to be dealt with you did what she clearly had
reasons for what she did or she wouldn't have done it thank you don't believe
I should give you a diazepam. That's what my mom takes when she goes on a flight
It's one of those things
Anders anything we can use to scan ourselves. Oh, yes, the scour outside bridge ops runs class a biometrics. All right, let's go
Run.
There the damn walls.
I don't know why they keep acting like it's hard to identify the aliens, man.
Fucking look at those, look at them!
Fucking don't never imitate, bro!
Look at, this is a way scarier form than just kind of shambling around as a middle-aged astronaut.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Oh, this is where she died, I remember.
Or did she die?
Or did she fight her way out?
Or was she infected at that moment?
Because she got scratched on her cheek.
choices matter. They could take two chapters off and then it was like, oh, she made it.
Yunk. Come on, come on, man.
Koopa, it's me!
Well then, we got a fucking problem, that's like toddler logic.
I'll go through the scanner.
She's got a damn hypoxic, man.
Man
Oh shit shit if you're all who you say you are the scanner and let you through
What about you I
I don't know what would make me madder now.
Everybody obviously just walking through because they're all humans or them trying to do some
shit like no, actually one of them has been an alien the whole time.
Which just does not seem like it would make any sense at all.
That's Andredingus.
Yeah, I mean, like, I'll be walking through this thing with my nuts out, man, I am who
I say I am.
Well, it was fucking funny.
Okay, it literally, if it's anybody though, it would be the CEO.
because the CEO is the only alien that we've ever seen talking as if they're
not an alien. The CEO has gone, CERNIN! CERNIN!
Don't you ever point that thing at me again. Damn. This is nuts! You already
He was clear to med. He was clear to med bay. Oh shit
Weapons on
She's gonna feel real silly when she finds out the alien just copies you DNA
I know who I am.
It's a privet.
Wait, wait, wait, but she might...
What the hell, huh?
I was worried through it.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Wait, no, this is awesome.
Put him in the scanner.
Not one goddamn step.
Think very carefully, Cooper.
Cooper, please.
It's me.
She's lying.
Don't just stay where the scanner test test from your real order go through the
scan go through the scanner get your asses through the scanner now maybe like
one at a time?
LZ slain.
I always shoot the other one personally.
No, it's bald!
It's bald and it hates people with hair!
Move!
Oh wait, don't you want to scan it though?
Jesus.
It must have been the wind.
Can I say as an alien you can't have a 1.0 KDR?
You're literally OP, you're like eight-flick tall muscular self-replicating healing factor.
You can impersonate crew members, like you can't be just getting one and then you can't
be trading one for one.
They're feeding.
No, that's a Greg Odin.
I still think they were right to take Odin over Duran.
Because Duran could, I mean he's going to the Hall of Fame, but Odin is really tall, okay?
What the hell was that anyway? Did you see what happened to Isley?
Yeah man!
It wasn't even them, was it? It was like a, a, a, a thing fucking posing as them.
Yeah dude!
Have you been paying attention?
It's the substance. The growth. It's like we said, it's adapting its molecular makeup.
Yeah.
It's duplicating us.
Yeah, well that's why we've been...
I need to think.
That's why we've been suspicious of each other.
That's why we've been suspicious...
Isn't that why we've been suspicious of each other?
This creature is remarkable.
The perfect replicator.
If only it didn't want to kill us, it could change our whole understanding of life as
we know it.
Let alone the science.
Just think what it could mean if humanity could harness the power of something like this.
Oh, shit, he's not having a good day, man.
Oh, no.
This is worse than when you thought he was going to get evicted, so we held his own funeral.
We're fucked.
Absolutely fucked.
I never should have agreed to this mission.
I wanted to make history, not become it.
We're fucking done for, man.
We're gonna get whacked out here.
This shit is fucking loony tunes, man.
By the way, this is the supermassive version of like a room that has a bunch of like potions
an ammo in it and shit like that like this is the room right before the final boss whatever
this thing is it doesn't conform to any known science there is no way any organism we know
could adapt itself so quickly let alone copy another life form with such precision yeah man
i don't understand obviously i would it would have been on the news i think what reason does it have
have to copy us that that goes away okay here we go that's well that implies a
level of intelligence greater than I imagined these mimics they're like the
organisms defense mechanism like white blood cells or antibodies they identify
a hostile presence and duplicate it to get close to their enemy without
being noticed then they kill it that explains why they crashed the ship they
want us dead we're further away from home than any human has ever been this is
their home and we're trespassing
ice okay now we have some motive it's not just that we randomly got hit by a
meteorite in outer space. We got too close to this planet that they live on. And the meteorite was
like the first part of their immune system. You know what? I actually accept that as making a lot
more sense in a lot of directions they could have gone in. Yeah, they hit us with the anti-air,
exactly. This is the second nightmare I've woken up to today. What's next? Maybe I'll wake up in
hell or or maybe one of you will not be out again do your favor someone's always
gonna bite my penis off of my fucking body some kind of demons gonna bite my
cock and balls off of my body so when I look down I got nothing there except a
bloody hole that's next I'm gonna wake up in fucking hell or something our pets
Its heads are falling off!
Long-ass hallway, man. This can only go one way.
So she's gonna be having like a...
like an Agira Wrath of Man type situation here.
I didn't think things could ever be worse than Jessup's station, but here we are.
Stafford and Eisley dead, those things all over the ship, oxygen running out, I can't
stop thinking about how it's all gone wrong at every turn, like the whole thing was doomed
from the fucking start.
We're gonna get out of this, right, young?
me we're going home fuck just tell me something tell me something good yeah
that's what I thought
I'll say that didn't go well
What the hell are we going to do?
There's no way we can leave this area.
We don't have enough food to hold out.
Forget food.
The Andromeda is six months away.
Some food would help.
We don't even have enough air to go.
We've reached the gap there, to be honest.
Is there any way we could redirect the oxygen into justice compartment?
I think I saw something out there.
Oh shit, it's a fucking Arby's, bro.
What is that?
It's an Imperial probe drone.
That's Caribdis.
Oh, hello, beautiful.
How did you find us?
It's not an IRS robot.
Motherfucker, man!
landing probes, each with their own drone recon unit and long range FTL transmitter.
It is pretty incredible. Our plan, Orbit, was to fly over each probe individually and collect data,
but even so, the chances of us crash landing within range of one is frankly...
it's a bit of a miracle. Well thank god for that. We're in need of a miracle right now.
If we follow this drone to its probe, we could use its transmitter to broadcast an SOS to the
Andromeda and they could rescue us
Is there any chance we could hold out here for six months? He's got to be away
Restrict oxygen to justice compartment. Oh shit. They really are gonna science the shit out of this
Let's get out there then
First we need to agree on what message we're going to send to the Andromeda. What do you mean?
Everything's fine come pull up everything's fine
Please don't tell me some red tape is gonna stop us getting home.
This sheep is infected with an alien organism.
For all we know, it could be in our own bloodstreams by now.
Directive 8020 states, the Earth must be protected from extraterrestrial matter
carried by a spacecraft returning from another planet.
If the Andromeda rescues us, we expose its crew to contamination.
We could take it back to Earth.
What the hell are you suggesting?
We either send out a distress signal,
We send out a warning we tell the Andromeda to leave us here
We can't let them land
We have to make this sacrifice. I agree. It's the right thing to do
Directive 8020 doesn't stop us from going back into orbit. I have faith in Earth's quarantine procedures
You weren't allowed to be first-century lady.
Jesus, she's thinking about lunch.
We gotta send a warning, man.
Absolutely.
Can I also say something?
I feel like they made the obvious choice even more obvious,
is because the only person whose family life we really knew about got his shin
bitten off like three minutes into the damn game. I think you do like we don't
really know any connection that anybody else here has with Earth. Surnin has a
dead spouse. Everybody else we never learned anything about one of them was
in the Marines. We can't risk endangering the Andromeda let alone us. We should
Tell them to avoid this planet, we'll send a warning to the Andromeda.
It's all on you now.
R2-D2-S?
You know when he gets shocked by something, he goes,
Wow!
And the episode 6, hostile takeover.
I mean, if this goes to chapter 8, I think we should just play through the rest of it
on stream today so that I because I know myself I'm not going to be excited to
load up the last two chapters of the game that I thought I'm not really enjoying that much tomorrow
but I think it would make the most sense if we just took like an extra 45 minutes or an hour
an hour and a half and just did it right now um but first I'm going to go pee I'll be right back
So I had a piece of pizza as well.
Yeah, I'm laughing yet he said, holy shit, can I post links?
And then they posted what for them, I'm sure look like a link.
But for everyone else, like me and the mobs just look like three asterisks.
And then they went and had Magresta.
Could you see that link?
Magresta said no yet.
Oh, man.
We're back with Directive 8020.
The thrilling conclusion of Directive 80-20.
Yes, yes, put him in the scanner.
You know I'm real cause I'm talking.
I'm not going sarnan.
Hey, the cake has been sitting there for hours
with the candles, man.
As much as you.
Really?
Nothing.
Have I ever lied to you?
This would be a hell of a good reason for a first time.
Young, I promise you, I knew nothing before you did.
As far as I'm aware, everyone was kept in the dark.
For this to work, no one could know.
I can't imagine how they must... I don't know what's happening!
can't imagine what's going through their minds. All that work, how they must feel.
If I know them, they'll know the importance of this mission.
Crazy hairline for a bald guy.
It's the same end goal, young. It's just that the objectives have changed.
Do you think it will work?
We all put time into this to be told like that and it's damaged going through I'm worried too
Yeah, you're the last hold out
No, we launched it like in thirty six hours or something without you years of work will have been wasted
If I agree to this
It changes everything. It's not just eight years that will be lost. I keep
wondering, am I condemning myself forever?
Whatever decision you make, know that I'll stand by your side. I always have. But you need to decide now.
and its doordash and its pizza or sushi babe its a corner after 8 we have to go to bed
pretty soon 10 10 15 percent 20 percent its the damn tip when they flip the iPad around
What are we doing?
Oh, it's just icing, bro.
I mean, it's like, it's still a damn ion store, man.
I'm not sure about this one.
There's bright blue clouds and it's raining rocks.
There's arc lighting in the sky, a human height.
My landing flash in across the sky!
You're on the young manchid then and then.
But she's named young.
We'll have to come in through the lower airlock.
Follow the drone, man.
Man, these are speedy so and so.
Man, this makes Earth look like a smaller tree.
hey I'm thinking as far as planets go the earth pretty nice pretty
be an habitable to be honest with you.
So I'm going to try to take the mouse button.
Common W for Earth.
I mean, if I saw this shit, I'm staying in the air BNB.
Are you an expert in exoplanetary weather?
This is impossible.
Is this water?
Gravity?
The fact this life we appreciate.
It does look like shit.
Just to show you the current resistance.
Oh no man, take me home.
They don't crash the rocket in this shit where I'll go home up.
Shit! Look out!
Where did you guys run into? I think we'll set up a shop right around here.
Every gimmick's are described in the locked school.
Where are you? Are you okay?
Anders?
What about you? Williams isn't on the top.
She read the message at least.
Damn it.
She's not with Harry Cage and she won't reply for some reason.
She's chilling on the Exoplanet Law.
She's belunking in the Exoplanetary Cave.
I got a message from Anders.
What you saying?
Something's out here.
It's firing.
Reassure.
I think we'll pass that, man.
Mine's sheltered.
Get somewhere safe.
We'll find it.
I turned on my emergency trails. Use your scanner to find me.
What? That was the probe!
That came from the tunnel.
She's definitely dead.
Rip, Anders, you were one of my favorites.
What do you think, guys?
This way?
This way?
I'm coming.
I thought someone was going to...
Yeah, I'm okay.
Is he gonna burn or something?
Jesus, you really didn't mind him apart at all.
I
Scanner trails broken
are you somewhere safe no it's still fucking follow me I'm literally trying
to be nice okay you have your wedge tool and is it charged are you crazy sorry
no just hurry please okay literally like fuck me I literally gave a good advice
And she's like I don't want to hear it right now, okay
She did say she did say I don't want solutions I just want my problem
Plus the text back
What? No way!
God, that sucks. Damn.
Fuck it, this is one of the guys here.
This is damn cool.
This is the guy here.
This is damn cool.
This is the guy here.
I hope you can find Andrew's safety, thank you.
Those wholesome first time chats.
Only first time chat message in history that doesn't say,
damn, this guy's bald.
Damn, I never realized, I've seen your YouTube videos,
but I never realized until I saw your stream how bald you are.
Damn, this guy's bald. I suppose I walked into that one.
Why'd she stand in that one?
Maybe she can't hear us.
She can't.
Hey, it's me, my utility strap malfunctioned.
Anders? Yes?
My contacts got scrambled.
Really?
Yes, I think the storm disrupted the connection.
But I see you are my scanner now.
You've almost found me.
I just got a new contact.
That's not you, is it?
No, it's not.
I don't know who that is.
Or what.
You need to ignore them.
Um, the other anders are telling me to ignore you.
Anders?
She's found her name.
Hey, it's okay.
Sir?
You're safe now.
Ah, I feel fine now, it must be because you're back.
Oh, I guess that's good.
Let's keep moving then.
So no one really gives a fuck?
There it is!
You're kind of just like, okay?
I don't know if it's the original handers, but that's our handers now.
She said it's organic, we know that's her.
Is that what he called shit?
His planet is cursed.
We're literally gonna leave here.
This is our second home.
This is damn like picnic table or something.
So patio set.
Anders in German means different. Oh shit! What the fuck?
No shot. Who's got the gun? That's crazy.
The FTL beam isn't working. Looks like the transmitter's been eroded by the storm. Let me take a look.
Just a few damage components.
Good point. She's unfortunately for us, she's Australian.
Mr. Anderson equals Mr. Sandov different.
Sure.
Oh, that's good stuff.
Yeah, yeah, maybe you can help me.
The serial number? Yeah, the serial number's two.
Cause you probably had a Gameboy Advance cartridge in there.
Yeah, I'll say, buddy.
I could think of one part in particular.
Now, replacement chip, right next to the broken chip, and a bit of the tool is serendipity.
She looks like a Unity Bebog log.
Serial number requires...
It's two, dawg.
number's two. Two something four zero. Yeah, I don't know. How about like two six four zero.
I can do this
It's ready, whatever you want
I should call
So if it looks like this are you circumcised or not circumcised I
Think that's not circumcised right?
We have crash landed on Tower City F and sustained massive structural damage.
Our crash was caused by contact with a hostile alien life form.
I would probably start by saying some shit like, don't come here.
It's not going to be our home anymore.
We landed on Shai City.
The fleet has missioned everything ever.
The fridge is stocked with several kinds of alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages.
All it takes is everything we know about the entity do not attempt to rescue
Previous messages
What? You're much of a stink, motherfucker!
You can't play this online.
It's just throwing us all by one night standing in front of a dead hole.
Oh wait, we ain't the first Anders. We ain't the first young.
We need to pay for this. There's no time for this.
Holy shit.
You need to get away from the dead.
It's too late, please, that you can stay here for a while.
I can't let you risk your grief, okay?
Please, turn around, please.
Oh shit, turn around.
Oh my god, that alien looks just like me.
What the fuck?
Not only can they mimic us, they can time travel!
and sometimes like if they get pissed on earth they're just kind of like crash
the spaceship out on town said he have just uh just to relieve some stress
how is that possible we were the first here
Cory tell you yet he had so true yet he's so true
The probe has messages. Half a dozen of them. All of them were of us. This has happened before.
The original crew are kind. And we're not the original crew.
How in the living hell did we not know?
Honestly, somebody had to know.
Was it you, Anders?
Was this why you joined the crew so close to lunch?
It's too convenient that you were brought in last minute.
You fucking knew, didn't you?
Bro, we're fucking all clones! Chill out!
Why is no one talking?!
Are you a coyote? This is insane!
Please, just leave me alone!
I don't really care now, even if they eat me, they're just gonna send another one up.
I can kill Dogo.
Oh man, he's trying to get the fucking key out of that.
What was his name?
What was his name?
Commander Keys from Halo who gets turned into the flood and then you gotta reach in
with Solar Plexus and grab.
It's called Commander Keys, and you have to grab a key that is best.
And they used to say video games are not art, man.
Captain, please.
Created in the morning. Oxygen saturation level, 60%.
I said stop!
I said stop right there!
You knew, Tinian. You fucking knew.
You always knew about this prone shit, and you didn't say shit about it.
That's not true!
Bullshit, then why were you trying to run a little shut up? Don't trust any of grown man named Mitchell
Is a look at me
Let me get up the link real quick.
Whenever this reaches you get to bridge ops.
There's something you need to see.
Yeah, hold up in bridge ops.
Can you make your way over?
We're overrun with the growth, so watch your step.
Anders too. How you doing? Anders too, are you okay? Did anyone, who was Anders too, his buddy?
I'm ready for one of these to grab me then I have to hit a QTE.
Swag.
That's what you can do with W.
It's kind of like a slow time of it.
What the hell are we breathing then, man?
Cheek alternative air supply. It's crazy.
Not the kind of message you want to hear.
Kind of just been relying on the default air supply for just about my whole life, to be honest with you.
Well, there's no going back.
There's no going back to that meat tunnel in case you forgot like a collectible back there or something.
What the fuck was the door specialist on this, man?
We gotta figure out what fucking subcontractor built these doors and make sure they never
get any work ever again.
Oh
Shit is so crazy
Who's the alien?
Ah, it's actually a misconception.
It's a little ignorant to assume that all aliens have to be, like, spawned off of another human
being.
Some of them are just kind of, like, in the past.
It's kind of like how there's grunts and elites in Halo.
And then there's all...
There's brutes.
I remember that.
Who's the other motherfucker with the plasma pistol?
Those are the most annoying, man.
Jackals, oh, I don't even want to talk about the fucking jackals, man.
Can I go through the door?
Yeah, you said that you mentioned that shit already
It's that easy
Loop room you may be right
You may be correct I don't see the alien y'all
I've discovered the alien
We'll all see the aliens say hell yeah, yeah!
I mentioned that part already.
I'm like dumb as hell.
I was literally a baby.
We just witnessed a being born.
at the very beginning of this wind segment.
It's that easy, people.
Check the link.
Young, check in. I'm okay, why?
Was that you calling out to me? No.
I see. Fuck.
My thoughts exactly. They're trying to draw us away.
Be careful. You too.
Critical warning. Oxygen saturation level 60%.
Seat alternative air supply.
Sometimes the plane sounds like that.
You kind of want to like put up your hand and be like,
oh, the plane just made a crazy noise.
Then you feel like they would probably just...
I mean, if there was something wrong with it,
wouldn't the flight attendants be like the first people to notice?
They fly every day, man.
And you don't think the pilots would be like, oh, it smells a little funny.
pop-up sir so sure could be part of the information mr. Williams we got some
bad news about the mission it's okay young all is in hands now he's an
alien bro that's how an alien texts
You're a clone bro. I'm a clone I ain't no damn alien
That's what I was gonna say
Okay, oh shit
Why do you need a whole-ass tool to override every door?
Oh, you mean my wedge tool?
It's kind of like the Swiss Army knife of Apparatus.
The interesting thing is they call it a web tool, but the astronauts are a wedge tool,
I should say.
Because shut up, I'm trying to read!
The astronauts of the Cassiopeia have signed their lives away in the lives of countless
others.
Every single clone they've created is a real person, a soldier sent to die in the
Earth.
Science will not let them steal my humanity.
I will not let them make me a murderer.
I will not allow them to steal my soul, okay?
Thanks, Mack Manera.
Very cool.
I think Earth's feeding cats to the coyotes.
You think it's like, you know, we keep the aliens well fed so they don't bother a situation
or is this like Wayland-Yutani like, hey, we keep sending
clones to like just further test the effects of like what happens when the aliens come
in contact with like human cells or something.
Or maybe, I don't know if they could just still be like trolling or something.
I think this could be like a jackass type situation.
Or maybe it's Black Mirror where like we did some fucked up like unconscionable shit on
Earth so they keep sending us to get like tortured by the exoplanet biology.
Oh, we made it y'all.
3rd floor menswear 60% we know 60%
get in the best head it's definitely the dude getting the reach around for sure
to
do was played out
that's the way that's the way we want me to go
you stay here I'll check ahead bro you gotta check more than one look around
you fucking killed
I don't give a fuck if I am a clone, bro.
I'm already a clone, like, base case of my mom and my dad,
just kind of, like, you know, shaking up a little bit.
What the fuck do I care?
Yeah.
This is my call.
Not the call.
Or the call.
I was doing my nightly checks.
Take your time.
You recorded the therapy session?
I thought we had patient Dr. Privilege.
Oh shit, there's aliens on this planet, man.
NOOOOOO!
Oh, find a power cell.
Oh.
How could you?
maybe it's this way one can only hope man one can only hope
can you vault over goo well what the hell am I doing in here then
Oh, hacking with my mind, that's right.
Hacking with my mind.
So you guys have a very serious obligation, because Chibli is going to play this on Wednesday.
He's not live on Tuesdays, American times.
Do not tell him it's ass, because it's going to set the stage for, it's going to deflate
his energy.
Let him be excited for it and then let him come to his own conclusion.
It would be better if he liked it.
He has to, at a bare minimum, let him find out himself instead of having like a thousand
people go yeah actually like the next six hours are going to suck I'm putting
chubly's mental health in your hands
Average NL counter strike gameplay.
Tutorial!
Tutorial?
here's the alien out bro let me out of him
Oh shit, end of wall puzzle?
This is like the final boss of puzzles.
Oh my f**k man.
Oh so he can step on the glass.
Yeah, do your roar, do the roar, do the roar!
I know they're all in the roars when it's very angry.
Okay, bro, what did I just power up, does anybody even know?
Is that good?
Still out of power?
Don't really know what you're asking me to do.
Junction, nothing, nothing.
Junction, okay.
is good. Oh shit, almost got me to walk on broken glass. I did want to ask without putting
like a staggering amount of evil on them. I was talking to Kate, what the fuck happened
to Quantik Dream, man? They came out with Detroit and like, at the time they were like
a really respected studio and even Detroit came out and a lot of people were like this is awesome
and I was like this is I'm not I'm not suggesting that my reaction to Detroit become human killed
quantic dream but there were still people like playing that game when it came out that were like
this is revolutionizing the way that stories should be told in video games but then the shine
came off the rose somehow and I did he just go in the hiding or something like
what happened
but I'm pretty sure that she came on like 2018 it's been almost 10 years man
Ain't no power getting in the damn thing man.
Alright.
At least they've mercifully not made us go through the hide-and-seek section here.
Isn't there another power junction way closer?
I lost my fucking mind?
It's under the stairs.
Motherfucker, man.
you're a clone we're literally all made up of other people's genes bro don't
overthink it I don't give a fuck if I'm a clone I'm alive
is that good that seems good what the fuck we opened all doors okay we all
Go through where again okay up there
They teleport Rafaela in front of you
Like what are we doing
They teleport the dude in front of you.
It's another TP spot, be careful.
Didn't I...
Didn't fucking override the door, man?
Oh, we got a...
All door function overridden. Door now able to be overridden.
I mean, it's fucked up in here too. Move through the infested deck.
If his room looks like this, don't sleep with him, okay?
Make me a promise.
And don't clean it up for him.
Kim develops some self-respect.
Fucking old W haunted house.
No man, no. No, no, no, I'm not. Are you crazy?
over here now you won't get whacked
No, I guess we'll be going that way.
No, he did not say how I like.
most extreme German reaction.
Did you see a Minecraft creeper in the smoke?
I saw a Minecraft creeper in the smoke when I was mashing the A-Bud.
Wait, they've broken the scanner. I'm not a fucking alien
We should keep going who can who gives a shit man at all
Again, the aliens just fucking chase you and eat you
They make no effort to appear human
Hello, Gung.
What's going on?
We have received a message from Earth.
Would you like to hear it?
Play the message.
It's a new ABGN video.
As you wish.
I know this will be difficult to hear,
but if you're still out there,
you deserve the truth.
The government knows what's on that planet.
They've known since Caracters
beamed back its first report
that the government has been
It seemed like its first report,
which is to keep the life on the secret,
scrubbed the survey report clean,
told Corinth to carry on his plan.
Isley designed her ships.
We all went through training,
but nobody knew what they were really planning.
Not even the CEO.
When we got into those pods,
they copied our personalities,
our memories,
and uploaded them to synthetic bodies.
Your clients, there is no untraumated mission following you, there's another Cassiopeia,
and behind that another, there's a chain of ships out there in space with more to follow
until we fully understand the entity.
A program we all find out to once we learn the truth, you're part of an experiment.
We just keep crashing ships into the plane?
You son of a bitch, you knew about this.
Bro, I-
Of course I knew.
I've almost been shot and burned to death and-
I've been sent home for a cent, it's data, back to Earth.
A lot of people said it was crazy to sign up for a suicide mission.
Well, the OG Williams-
Oh, okay.
You think this is funny?
Far from it.
This is the most serious thing I've ever done.
I was right not to trust you so you're like us you're a clone too of course my
original self would never have risked his life out here yeah but why would you
send a clone of yourself but you could just send anyone I owe you some answers
or nobody yeah why why did you join the mission why the hell did you join up to
this somebody on board had to carry out instructions from earth somebody I could trust
so you're acting dumb all this time what can I say I'm a good liar now you have the truth
warts and all the question is what are you going to do about it play the rest of the tape
You're still calling it a tape, huh?
That's interesting.
I mean, this is many centuries I'm assuming in the future.
Dude, we should.
1v1.
1v1 in basketball.
Winner gets the ship.
I accept our ship.
send in it. I accept that he sent himself because you can only trust yourself. Of all
the problems I might have with the game, I think that twist is not crazy.
Sweet dreams everyone. See you in four years.
I feel for you man. Just a few hours sleep and then you guys are up for four years. Try
not to kill each other. We all have a vital part to play on this ship. I'm grateful to
be here with every one of you. It's an honor sir.
See you on the other side.
It is so good.
Wouldn't it be better to only send clones that know the truth?
I don't- I mean, I guess they're studying how human beings react to first contact.
So they want like unfiltered reaction.
But like, I mean to me it doesn't seem like you need to build like billions of dollars in spaceships and then just keep crashing them into the planet.
What's going on?
I was going to say something, I was going to say, couldn't you just send prisoners?
Could you just launch like one ship with like a lot of prisoners on it and crash that ship
on the plane?
They're saying cut his mic.
Only the people that we 100% know did irredeemable crimes without a shadow of a doubt.
He was right there
I'm just disappointed
You'll get another chance
They shouldn't have shoplifted if they didn't want to be cloned and then crash landed on an exoplanet with a
Lifeform we've never experienced before
God knows how long
Who knows what state will be in there
If what's out there is as bad as they think, it's safer to be here.
Why couldn't it be simple?
No, why?
Why couldn't it be simple?
The real crew and the real mission.
This is what the real mission was destined to be.
We just didn't know it until now.
Don't you think that's awful?
What are all the other versions of me?
You know yourself, and they will too
You're
I'm just not sure I'm making the right choice
No matter what you choose
I respect it
I mean you could never let me down
Never
Well, I knew the curfew had been pushed up by two hours, but rest assured, live coverage
will be taken.
Tom Bergeron asks, sounds like someone's about to get hidden in nuts on America's funniest
home videos.
Live from the comfort of your own home.
Ready?
Make a wish.
Ready?
Make a wish.
Doesn't it?
We've just received your warning.
It was always a one-way trip.
But your bravery is outstanding.
You've passed the test.
Now, unfortunately, it matters very little.
What kind of a story?
It's for the right reasons. Mars is frozen, Earth is dying. We need to win this war.
But if you're hearing this, I want you to know that it's been for something. It was all worth it.
Now we know that it's organic.
In transmission.
Now we know that it's organic and it replicates out of an alarming page
So yes, we know how humans react when a fucking cat when an alien tries to attack them
When an alien stabs you in the stomach and disembowels you you died
I do so. There are protocols in place that I can deploy to ease your distress.
What protocols?
I am authorized to assist with safe self-termination if you desire.
Oh no, it's Health Canada's AI agents!
No!
No!
What do you know about pain? You mean there's no way out of this.
Escape from the cycle is impossible. I'm sorry.
I don't know, I think...
Why not send?
They did send real people.
They sent real clones.
That's what I'm saying!
It is more controllable this way.
The risk to unique organic human life is lower.
I apologize if this seems human.
So many souls.
So many different versions of me.
All trying to get back to one person.
We are one and the same
I am still me and I will find my way to Mikhail
I'm still with King.
It's over
It's over.
I saw it.
Clear as day.
This mold and one cast your peer on this planet.
Dental plan.
I don't understand.
How are you supposed to escape?
How can it be true?
It doesn't make any sense.
If I forget...
when you started...
Did anyone gonna get that alarm?
I
What are you doing in this situation you find out you're a clone you sent on a one-way mission to die on an exo planet
Probably watch some movies. I mean like I'm still thinking of feeding me to the plants when I die
I think I would definitely accept death. I don't think I'm finding her way out
But probably try to hang on for a minute and have souls watch a couple movies
Probably not oh, I know as if there's a real Mitchell out there you agree to this play the spires
I appreciate that. Thank you. I appreciate that
Maybe I finally watch spider-verse yeah, it'd be man
Probably play through the game again try to get deathless you see that
It's got a good booster, right
the starlink bro what the booster ring yeah that's what we're looking at it's
got air emergency supplies okay Hawking problem is we need a spaceship to get
They didn't get... they were already in the air when the Stephen Hawking news dropped.
They don't believe that.
They were like, ah, we've taken off from Earth.
I've got my two most prized possessions.
A brief history of time by Stephen Hawking and the collected works of Kevin Spacey.
You're a tool.
I'm staying here to fulfill my destiny.
Fuck you! Oh yeah! You're coming with me!
No way man. You're coming with me, even if I have to drag you back to Earth.
Why? What good am I to-
I don't know if I'll control you.
If you get through this, I'll need your testimony. People out there need to know the truth.
And if I refuse to play ball?
What have you got to lose?
We got the isopam on tap, bro.
The entire survival of the human race.
You're already playing ball, Mr. Williams.
And the game isn't over until the final whistle.
Oh, shit.
Unless...
it gets rained out,
or someone suffers a medical emergency,
and thus they delay the game
out of a sense of decorum.
Which it doesn't happen that often but has happened a couple times
Why do we even have a computer man
The only way to get fuel up here is to manually reroute it through the side stack then
and pump it up from all the way down in bloody engineering.
Fuck that shit, bro.
Give me the maid.
I'm going to go down there and get this done.
I'm not having a cold moment.
Louder!
It's crazy to have this as a day-new mod,
just because, like, you don't really give a fuck
whether you live or die.
Not because they're clones, but just because like there's like a 99.9% chance they're gonna
die anyway.
So like, where's the tension?
Unknown substance detected?
Yeah, like, yeah, man, I know.
I know.
We're not going anywhere till this is unblocked here.
That's where we need to go.
Got it.
You could have come down with just like a second ago, right?
You must sneak past the life form bro that might be the real one for all I know
Deck 2 locker room, crew lounge.
I don't know about all that.
Well, I can't even get in there, can I?
I'll send it to the Deck 2 locker room then.
We'll be abating the life form at all costs.
Fuck, it passed me a cold one.
I'd have a non-alcoholic kind of can zero in this situation.
100% man, 100%
So we're just I guess this is just a room where you're high
Can you rank something you give me something to rank I'd be happy to rank it
Who the hell am I?
Types of dinosaurs?
That's tough, man.
I always liked the tall ones, the salad eaters,
brachiosaurus, argentinosaurus, stuff like that.
Nothing against a T-Rex or a Carnotaurus or something like that, but I like the
The nonviolent ones with the long neck.
Yeah, the sauropods, exactly.
I mean, it's going to be crazy if we could just walk to that door after everything we've been through.
I designed the submission with integrity and skill, and I hope the crew will treat it similarly.
There's no room.
I guess you can just walk over to it, man.
Ultimately, if something goes wrong because of the design...
No! She has misophonia!
Oh
We don't have time for this let's keep going
No shot bro
Who's this fellow? Who's this playboy?
He's gonna turn around and have like half a face or something like that?
Wait, Spider-Man music!
He's beating me shit!
I did everything right oh no I did everything right yes yes and then they
And I didn't mean
It's not the real
That's better in a Koopa man, that's Bowser
Hunter's screams.
That's a thing you could just kind of like slice right through the back of her.
That sneak past the life form feeling when the life form come out sizzling man here we
go.
Alright quick, check your messages real quick.
I don't know if we find anything.
How about new Anders?
Hey question.
Do you think there's anything we should have done differently this mission?
Oh many things.
many to list here. I'll be thinking on this mission for a long, long time. She doesn't
I don't know if she's a damn alien, man.
Not bad, y'all.
Or whatever.
Or not.
Bro has 50 eyes.
I always think about what must go through like an ant's head when it sees a human being.
Given its position relative to the average fellow, like I don't know if they can perceive
us that well? But can you imagine you're just like minding your own business and
then all of a sudden something that's literally like 10,000 times bigger than
you comes into your POV?
Freaking the fuck out man. Your mom? I don't even want to talk about the fact that
this needs a power cell, man.
I always wonder what's going through a spider's mind when it comes into my bathroom and it's
like oh shit look at all this huge shit in the bathroom.
Whoa what a weird tree filled with water and an even stranger tree that water comes out
of.
And then all of a sudden like I'm in the bathroom and it goes whoa!
the hell is that that's that that tree is moving
who fucking knows man this true water does come out of that tree too
Spiders don't speak English. Spiders speak the native language or wherever they were born.
So, spiders in Canada speak English or French.
Yeah, that's a while, I guess I'm going to be going through here then, never mind
I guess I'll just be going in there for a second to get him to break like you can only
play this game as a people that don't play video games but you have to know how scripting
in a video game works in order to make progress.
Why wouldn't my mom know that you have to go into that room?
She fucking wouldn't, bro, until I told her.
Deadass, I think it's the worst game they've made.
I think it's, without being hyperbolic, I actually think it's like
order of magnitude worse than the last bad one they made. Like House of Ashes was good.
Not just by their standards. Like I think that was one of the better,
like narrative cinematic adventure games maybe that I've ever played.
Okay, Frank Stone, Frank Stone had some problems.
I don't recall doing as many door and switch puzzles, and then walk out like a boss.
The devil in me, at least, like I don't remember it being good, let's put it that way.
The core is good.
Three.
Three what?
Maybe seven meters.
But I do at least remember it being like campy.
Like I play these games a little bit for like some campy kind of like slasher flick sort
of like fun.
And this one, I'm not 100% sure man, although weirdly enough I do, I don't dislike the
story beats they made of this one, it's just like the gameplay is just so crazy, it's so
boring.
That's the thing.
It's kind of mind-boggling how tedious the story or the game players in this turn the
whole ship into the damn mess hall.
Sneak past the life form, huh?
Did we blow it off?
I ain't walking over the damn-
What the hell?
They took a short cut, they took a damn short cut.
That'll buy us some time.
We should have been doing this the whole time man!
Nooo!
Guess what!
Oh shit.
Don't make me get another power cell in a room covered with broken glass, man.
Oh my god, this one's got like multiple doors that need power.
my seven power cells. We should play slender man. What's the best five nights at Freddy's?
These look like the most primo seats on the airplane man. Not on the airplane but at the gate.
They should just put a charger in every seat man. Why they got like one outlet?
Everybody wants the charger.
Cost?
Phone charger though!
Ten bucks maybe?
They're like watching the peons fight.
Too true.
Powering door in a game like this. That's awesome to hear
What's yeti saying they've been telling me to stop the stream for like at least 20 minutes
And as usual like I take it under advisement and I and I persevere of my own accord
It's still live.
It ends today.
We cannot let this stretch for another day.
It's also great advice if you're doing a school assignment that you don't like.
Finish the school assignment as quickly as possible.
It's kind of like a middle schooler's idea of how school works because once you get really
high up you gotta it can take like months to actually finish the project or whatever but like
if we're talking about like a paper or some shit just do it man don't do half of it and then go
I'll do the other half tomorrow then you're ruining two days just ruin one day instead
well that was a good use of everybody's time so i mean like the game has been it's a it's
gonna clock in at around like seven hours
Almost all of it is just waiting for a motherfucker to move slightly out of the way.
Move, man.
At this point, I'll fucking risk it, dude.
God. Damn it!
We're helping out the Dan refugees.
I will say, I know that the Always On Channel is programmed by one of the Dan chatters.
It was a nefarious ass move to put on the itinerary a bunch of dang packs.
You're really on the, like I was in the Always On Channel before my ride this morning because
is the only person that I have live at like 5.30 in the morning. People were in the chat
like, pogging up over somebody getting a good drop in a dang pack from a VOD that happened
like four years ago or something like that. Like, bring back the battle toads, man. Don't
immediately walk backwards. Okay, you know what? Maybe I got to power up that beast right
There
What
You made it closer y'all
whatever man just eat me at this point no I'm not back to the door
I'm making a break for it.
We out here.
I didn't know.
Yeah, I'll press that. I'm pressing that button any day of the week.
The way that whatever they're doing with the messages here is so crazy, Brianna, do you
remember me?
Blocked and reported, but you know, I know, I can smell here, classified orders, oh,
A new control agent has been manufactured on board your vessel.
It's marked in the inventory.
Oh, shit.
The control agent.
What is it?
That's need to know, I'm afraid.
I've marked it on your map.
It's just a measure I was instructed to put in place
in an attempt to get an advantage over the life form.
Just a test, a trial run for Cycles to continue.
It's been almost 20 seconds since I've played the game life form bro.
Oh, this again, huh?
You did it, Joe.
Thanks for your help, Gooper.
Okay, fucking, be a little bit more clandestine, bro.
There's live forms around.
Alright.
I'm just sprinting.
There was a red no-power indicator.
Just a second ago, there was a red no-power indicator.
Did you see that?
Oh, shit. I'm not going.
Let's just move on, man.
Let me out.
Oh.
Alright, lead the way.
what's going on man oh you just got a you need me you said come on but you need
me to lead the way I understand
you're not gonna believe this Cooper but I know you play test right
presumably. I literally hit a fast stop by the way. I literally don't even do it.
Oh, I'm glad I didn't know that, to be honest with you.
Surely at some point,
somebody said the door, the door is,
the door puzzles are a little much. You wouldn't lose anything by taking out
like a half the door puzzles.
She's just gonna squeeze right by it.
Okay, that one took a lot out of me.
I tried to spawn jab.
Oh, sorry, you did it.
It is ironic they sent a bunch of clones to then cover a life form that can clone them.
There's a certain poetry there, like in Rhymes.
You think even for a second you would think this is fun?
Like it's the base case that it would be terrifying, obviously.
But you think after you were in it for like 10 minutes you'd be able to appreciate that
like this is pretty unique.
Not too many other human beings are going to get to do this.
Like this is a one-on-one experience.
Uh, let's help her.
Probably the same.
Let me just say, by the way, I don't think you could judge someone, like, just based
on the media they like or the decisions they make in a game like this, whether or not they're
a bad person.
Imagine the kind of individual that is like, oh, shit, I gotta save myself.
They're like, I've got a...
Oh, there's only one way that we can get out of here, man.
Red button pressers?
Let's not do that.
Do you know I'm a blue button presser because I'm in the PR industry?
If it came out that I pressed the red button, my life would be over anyway, so I'm further
incentivized to press blue.
But I don't want to damn all the red buttons, that's crazy.
It's interactive, y'all.
It's an interactive video game.
Right click, space, at the same time.
Reactor overloading.
Reactor overloading.
I'm painting Malta in 10 minutes.
She's very like California in the body.
She is pissed.
Well I guess you're gonna fucking kill me huh?
And then the fellas then we got to handle the fellas
Oh, maybe not.
an understatement. Yeah man. You gotta let him in.
Yeah man, I'm gonna save you.
Okay, that's...
I thought maybe there'd be some consequence. Maybe when he gets on the ship, it's gonna end with him being like, thanks for saving me.
Let's not go in that way, man.
I had to think about where Ash was on my keyboard.
Oh God!
You don't check for a bottle.
This is the hardest one to press.
you promise this is classic until dawn lock-ins at your home one mistake here
in their toast. But if you get them all, you get a trophy. If you miss one, if you miss
one, you might get eaten. You may be getting eaten. Did they just not expect Mitchell to
be like a lie to this point in the game
what happened to my Mitchell bro
that seems good enough
Switching to manual control!
I don't care.
Ah, come on!
At least we're harness on.
How heavy could it be, it's anger, come on.
It's the lightest thing there is.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry Anders. I just forgot about you.
But like what are you doing? You should have been there
Maybe we picked up fake and this
From the planing
He picked up Anders Jr., Mrs. Anders' son.
Who the fuck is Anders?
Yo, Anders was peak.
The Anders and Cooper girl boss friendship is really what enabled us to actually get
some shit done in this game.
we got a lot of power cells together
feels good as fuck when you see the lightning bolt come on and your phone starts charging
You know I can get rid of you.
What the fuck?
We keep holding on.
We've made it this far.
I don't give a fuck if she is an alien, she's chill with me.
She might even be better.
Chilis De Leon we've seen so far at least.
You go jack black and do it again
Same shit around the bend
Take it easy young
It takes a few minutes for the body to adjust to wake up
The vitals are looking good. Oxygen saturation 95%.
Everything seems to be in working order.
If you don't mind, please look up for me.
Excellent. Let's do it.
She called you to the air supply.
Take it slow.
I think I'm gonna have to go back to sleep.
Please, first few steps can be a doozy.
Good morning.
It's like you could use one of these.
When you wake up from your four year cryo sleeper, you don't have a double double.
Looks like we're on schedule. We're right on top of the marker.
It's beautiful out there.
Sure is.
You ever think what you might have been if you weren't a pilot?
Not a chance. This has always been it for me.
I got them right I could do this forever
All right, man
It does seem like I was okay with the story it does seem crazy to just keep watching the ships of the planet like
It just seems crazy to me.
It's a lot of materials that he used to...
There has to be a better way, I don't know.
It's a lot of filament in the 3D printer.
I actually think like the story is completely fine
But the gameplay is so insane
Can you can you give me through the credits so I could see the stats sure a successful mission
and the safe return on the crew.
That's my job.
Mission fucking failed, bro.
If I had a skin in this game, it would
be to get this crew home safely so we could get you.
Blooper reel.
If this mission fails, it could spell the end
for the human race.
And I'm not going to let that happen.
92% of people let Stafford die 10 minutes into the game.
those five rug rats playing ball on SETI. Until then, I'm sticking with staff in here.
That's my family, right there. And that means more to me than all the planets in the galaxy.
Noah died on the ship from undiagnosed meningitis.
We're going to make Tau SETI F our new home. We don't know exactly what we're going to
find there, but we have the technology and the ingenuity to turn that world around. Science
can't solve all of our problems, but it can give us the questions we need to answer.
I wish you all eight wonderful Christmas. He's got a very dramatic energy. I only hope that we
can return to deliver you and your families the very best Christmas present. Derek is very rude
person. But tomorrow, you will learn the true meaning of humility.
70% of US Americans
don't even have maps, and such as Afghanistan and South Africa.
And despite the distance and duration, it will make me feel closer to humanity somehow.
The oneness of it all, you know? Everything is going to be okay. Things can only get better.
I've always wanted to fly, the joy of it, the freedom of it, to just take your life
in your hands and soar.
I think that's in a soar, isn't it?
At least that's what my dad taught me.
But there's more to it than that.
When dad took off the Mars, he told me the whole crew looked back at Earth and pointed
to which country they came from.
As they traveled further, they pointed to each continent
they were from.
Finally, they just saw one Earth.
That's always given me hope for us all.
Yeah, the further away you get from something,
like the smaller it is, I think is what she's trying to say.
When faced with oblivion, humanity, like all life, must adapt.
To conquer the unknown, we must weigh who we are and be prepared to lose it all.
Level 13 was a significant milestone for the program.
For the first time, the lifeworm intercepted the Cassiopeia outside orbit.
Huge dub for the aliens on that one.
The clone crew survived the crash and managed to broadcast a message.
It was a warning.
Despite everything that happened, they put humanity first.
On my orders, Williams deployed a neural control compound onto the planet's surface, but it
failed to establish control over the lifeform.
Given more size, this could become a vital path.
Williams executed the directive without any of the crew noticing.
for the crew themselves. Five souls escaped the planet's surface. They saw a refuge in
the Cassiopeia's booster ring. Yeah, I know. I was...
I was...
I did that.
...victim to the life...
I watched all that happen.
happen.
Mir, mere minutes ago.
Oh, awkward.
When your commanding officer is getting court-martialed in front of you.
Never forget why you started.
I joined this project because I believed it would secure the future of humanity.
The more we learned about the life form, the greater our chances of survival.
If it could be sculpted into a tool to save humanity, then I had a duty to actualize this.
It's a strange word, isn't it?
Humanity.
On one hand, it's a definition of us as a species, on the other, kindness, compassion.
They're saying it's the only word with multiple meanings.
All but forgotten.
Our fight for survival should never come at the cost of our humanity.
We can no longer hide behind clones.
If we ever hope to master death, we must first stare it in the face.
All of us, together.
Do you think you really want a clone?
Could be a great needle drop.
Do you think you really want a clone?
They don't...
There's gotta be stats, man.
I mean, or maybe I'm the first motherfucker to beat the game.
Never considered the fact that I'd be the first motherfucker to have finished the game.
No stats!
Witch login, are you crazy?
Well, I'm pretty sure my live stream is going to be over in like eight minutes or something like that,
but I'll send you over there.
It was a slice. It was a slice. I'll be back tomorrow.
Thanks for joining me on an extended stream today.
Goodbye.